Kim Kardashian’s Butt

My husband and I attended a work function about 3 weeks ago…a work function which required me to dress up a little. I haven’t had to get fancy since a wedding in March and my body has most definitely undergone a drastic change in the last couple months. My belly ballooned out of nowhere in the past few weeks and I have also gained the most weight in my last trimester. At one point, I had gained 17 pounds in a matter of only 6 weeks haha…almost half my total weight gain to date, oops! So I added more veggies and fruit to my diet to offset the rapid weight gain and haven’t gained any weight in the past 2 weeks. Whew!

Anyway, I have refused to buy maternity clothes for the most part and have opted to buy flowy maxi dresses instead in order to not waste money on clothes I’ll only wear for a couple months. So, the only fancy dress that I still fit in, was the same one I actually wore to the wedding…and the same one I wore for my engagement party. Due to the stretching magic of jersey and spandex, the dress miraculously fit my 35 week pregnant body…albeit a little clingy. Okay maybe a lot clingy…when my dad saw me in the dress he jokingly quipped: “Don’t forget to take out those butt pads before you go to the party, you’ll attract a lot of attention.” When my husband came home to pick me up for the party, he asked “When did you eat Kim Kardashian?” 😀 My butt was always on the rounder side especially for an Asian girl, but now I have a full blown badunkadunk, like Kim Kardashian’s, pre-pregnancy (I don’t think anyone but pregnant Kim could have that kind of ass unless it’s surgically enhanced). I’m serious – my butt has gotten so big, when I lie down on my back on the floor, the small of my back doesn’t touch the ground, LOL!

But don’t get me wrong, I kinda like my big butt right now and my husband definitely loves my big butt…and my big belly (I think he secretly high fives his penis every time he sees my belly actually). He also showers me with so many compliments on a daily basis, my head has gotten fat too 😉

But seriously, poor Kim Kardashian…the media is obsessed with her weight gain during her pregnancy and the paparazzi have definitely done their job of capturing as many unflattering photos of her as possible. I will have to admit though, she has gone through quite a transformation…but how can you blame her? If you’re in the public eye and it’s your job to look good, then shiet, I would probably eat like a rabbit AND be an exercise freak to maintain my best figure. So why not give yourself a few (or more) liberties when you’re pregnant? Even with my non-celebrity pregnant status, I have totally allowed myself to eat more bread, more ice cream, use butter liberally, have noodles more than once a week, eat a cookie at lunch, and always have candy in my car…all of which I do not do as a non-preggo. I definitely like good food, but I still try to be healthy…now, I just eat what I want to eat. If a cupcake is calling my name, I will get one and enjoy every last bite, down to the itty bitty crumbs. So, I’m going to assume that Kim Kardashian is just binging on all the foods she normally abstains from…and given her naturally curvy figure, she probably abstains from most foods to maintain a curvy, but skinny frame. You go girl, enjoy your pregnancy and eat your heart out. But just one suggestion…wear some comfortable shoes, you’re Kim Kardashian, you ain’t got nothing to prove so you can let your poor swollen feet take a break.

your feet need some circulation girl…the ankle strap is gonna cause more swelling!

 

need i say anything at all?

 

if her feet could talk: “help us, heeeelllppppp usssss”

I’ve had some swelling in my lower extremities and even wearing flats and sneakers can be uncomfortable. It’s time to retire those heels, Kim and shackle like ankle straps.

Anyway, less than 3 weeks before our little man arrives and I am feeling large and in charge!

3 more weeks to go!

Excited, a little nervous, but so so soooo ready to see his cute little face.

who will he look like??

In his honor, here are mommy’s top 5 cravings during pregnancy:
1. Big Mac – this was at the very very verrrryyyy beginning, but I woke up in the middle of the night needing to eat a Big Mac. The husband told me I actually rolled over and woke him up telling him I wanted one and went back to sleep. I’ve only eaten one during my pregnancy and that one was enough. It was delicious, but now I have no desire to eat one ever again.
2. Doritos Locos Cool Ranch Doritos Taco – Watching TV one day a couple months back and a commercial airs for the reveal of the new COOL RANCH DORITOS LOCOS TACO! And I needed to have it at that moment. I had already had dinner. It was 10:00pm. But I needed it…so the husband and I drove to the nearest Taco Bell and got some for the whole family. I’ve only had it that one time and it was good, but again, I don’t think I will ever need to eat one ever again. Funny enough, my dad really likes them and gets them on occasion since that night 🙂
3. Crawfish – My friend (pregnant at the time) had posted a picture of herself and her siblings feasting on crawfish on Facebook and it looked SO DELICIOUS. And then I needed to have crawfish. Instead of instant gratification though, I waited a few weeks before trekking out to JoLynn’s Crawfish and OHMYGAH, heaven in my mouth, I think the husband and I feasted on almost 10 lbs of crawfish that day and it was oh so good. Garlicky, spicy, buttery and orgasmic all rolled into each bite. And then I had crawfish 6 more times after that, hee hee. WHAT? It’s crawfish season right now 😉 Or maybe the delayed gratification resulted in overindulgence…oh well, I’m pregnant, I can do whatever I want 😛
4. Greek Yogurt and Granola – I woke up one morning craving greek yogurt with granola, berries, and honey and it has now become a daily staple for breakfast for the past month. And sometimes as a snack too 😀 Hey, it’s healthier than ice cream isn’t it??
5. Lavender Milk Tea with Boba – Ever since I had lavender flavored creme brulee back in college, I LOVE all things lavender flavored. But it’s hard to find things that are perfectly lavender flavored…sometimes the floral taste is way overpowering and other times there just isn’t enough of it. Luckily, one day, as the husband and I were adventuring out in Chinatown, we came across a milk tea shop that makes THE BEST lavender flavored milk tea. Ever since that day, I will drive out of my way to treat myself to one. Luckily, our new house (currently under renovation – a whole post of it’s own to come), is kinda sorta close to Chinatown so every time I drive by to check on the progress of the house, I drive out to Boba Zone afterwards to get me some lavender milk tea with boba, YUM!

That is all for now. I know I haven’t been the best with posts in the past few months, but I will try to entertain you all with a few more musings before the baby arrives. But you know that once he’s here, I’ll have a whole lot more to write about…like projectile vomiting, explosive poop, how a woman’s belly still look pregnant after birth…labor…delivery…oh my, the list of candid moments to come can go on and on and on. 🙂

Korean Vegetarian

It seems for the most part that the nausea is slowly starting to go away…or at least lessen in severity. Sometimes car ride can trigger it, but it usually comes with a vengeance out of the blue, as it did last night, but the constant 24/7 nausea is going away.

Last night, I was craving fried chicken, but ended up throwing it all up only moments after dinner. It was an interesting vomiting session…I had been drinking an Ocean Water (a blue coconut soda from Sonic), so when the food came out, it was this cool electric blue color. I kind of wanted to take and post a picture, but that is just plain disgusting and is sure to drive away my whole 5 readers if my TMI hasn’t already.

So it seems that the baby growing in my belly is definitely Korean and there are strong indications that s/he is a vegetarian. The following three cravings have no adverse effects on mommy (so far):

1. Veggies (almost all veggies…but need to be careful with potatoes, onions, avocados and mushrooms – it’s a toss up with those for some reason – probably all PSYCHOlogical haha)
2. Cheese – omahgah, I love cheese…particularly in the form of grilled cheese sandwiches. Nom nom nom
3. KOREAN FOOD, the SPICY variety – I particularly am enjoying bibimbap, ddukboki, and kimchi jigae…my intestines punish me later, but diarrhea is way better than constipation so I’m okay with that…unless I have a sudden urge to evacuate my bowels when no bathroom
is in sight – a fun story for later, maybe hahahaha. Anyway, I jokingly told my husband that there is no doubt the baby is Korean to which he replied, “Should there be any reason WHY the baby wouldn’t be Korean?” Hee hee hee, funny guy.

However, I still can’t fully enjoy the following…but still get cravings for them, grrrr:

1. Meat of most kinds – i.e fried chicken…sounded like a good idea, it was not. I DO love Spam in my kimchi jigae though hee hee…And lamb, but only when I want it
2. Seafood is a hit or miss – Hubby took me to a fantastic steakhouse for my birthday but my meal and appetite were destroyed by a lobster bisque…I can enjoy an occasional shrimp and the other day I really wanted sushi!
3. Espresso – I used to live on this stuff, but nowadays, the smallest sip of a latte makes me jittery to the point of feeling sick, which cannot be good for the baby! But of course sometimes I really really want a latte, but only to feel like shit afterwards.

I am also still experiencing daily headaches, hormones are making my armpit skin dark (WTF??), my farts are still awesomely loud and rank, and the b00bies are still growing – although extremely full now, still no under boobage, gah! I bet they would look awesome in a corset though, full tops of breasts spilling out all over the place.

The nausea I am feeling however, is nothing compared to this one poor girl. A friend at church shared with me how her sister-in-law has such severe hyperemesis gravidarum (extreme morning sickness, the kind that put Princess Kate in the hospital – when one suffers from this, even clear liquids won’t stay down, yikes!), she needs to be on a continuous Zofran (med for nausea) drip and will probably need to be induced because both mother and baby are suffering…ugh, I can’t even imagine how that must feel! I probably would have struggled with wanting to terminate the pregnancy. My thoughts and prayers for her and the baby…after hearing that, it really put things into perspective!

Also, my belly is taking its sweet ass time to grow…currently it just looks like I have developed a fupa.

The Next Frontier…Trimester #2

Week 14: the most notable difference during week 14 was that my appetite…it returned!! And it was glorious, laaaaaaa! *Play triumphant sounding orchestral piece*

Food tasted like it should, if not better…I had a hesitant welcome home party for my appetite at Benihana’s – might as well have licked the plate(s) clean – and after that, I slowly re-introduced food items that I could not even stand the sight of, starting with eggs for breakfast. Yum! And then Korean food! Double yum! Welcome Home, Appetite…this self-professed foodie/fattie had been (im)patiently waiting for your return. And luckily, I only threw up twice during week 14

Sadly, Thai food may be a lost cause forever – didn’t enjoy it at all. I could only manage to choke down a few bites, but something about it just…blech. Also, I still didn’t have much of a palate for meat, poultry or pork, but not a huge loss there. Contrarily, the possible permanent death of pad thai is a true travesty. Let’s take a moment of silence in its honor…

Week 15: So, as luck would have it, week 15 brought on, once again, the love/hate relationship with food…actually there was a lot more hate as the nausea returned (again, in the form of all day nausea). The thing that was worse this round of nausea was that I can’t seem to throw up and have only done so once (at a restaurant, blech!) so I have to ride out the nausea for the most part 😦

Food aversions made eating difficult…mostly because they just developed as soon as it was in my mouth…I couldn’t predict what I would
not be able to eat. If I ate one thing that didn’t agree with the palate, the rest of my meal was ruined.

For example, because of the previous success at Benihana’s, I wanted to go again for a family dinner. Unfortunately the only thing I liked this time was their salad as the fried rice completely ruined my appetite, awesome! Meat is still a huge no no, heartburn accompanies the nausea, and I burp up bile more often than I would like. Luckily, I was still enjoying Korean food though, so whew! 🙂

Week 16: That would be this week! Food and I are still on shaky grounds…even water tastes weird. I am, however, really loving vegetables and pineapples and Diet Coke. Korean food tastes better than ever, but is almost always followed by heartburn and the most disgusting and stinkiest burps of my life.

That sonofabitch nausea persists and I am sooooo tired all the time. Headaches are pretty much a daily occurrence and I finally caved and started taking Tylenol because sometimes they’re so bad, I can’t function. My boobs have lost their sex appeal for me, I feel like I belong in a National Geographic, but I think the hubby is still enjoying them so that’s all that matters.

[On a side note: my dog is experiencing her first heat cycle and I’ve noticed that her nipples have gotten larger…I also heard my husband say (as he was rubbing her belly), “Mabel, your nipples have gotten bigger just like your Mommy’s!” I couldn’t help but laugh…darn, so he HAS noticed!]

On the upside, I have felt the baby move AND kick. Apparently if you poke your belly around weeks 14/15, the baby will respond by moving. So I wanted to see if I could feel the movement and I did!! And one time s/he kicked back! It was such a weird feeling! But awesome…so awesome in fact that I like to dedicate a little bit of time during the day to lay down and poke my belly to see how Baby will respond. S/he seems to favor the left side.

Also, went to the doctor today and she confirmed that Baby is extremely active…she always has a hard time detecting the heartbeat bc s/he moves so much. We may have our hands full come June 17! Also, due to the nausea and vomiting in the first 15 weeks of pregnancy, my net weight gain has been only 1 pound…I’m sure that will change in the next few weeks! I am looking forward to having a baby belly…maybe once the belly starts protruding more, I’ll stop feeling fat and more pregnant instead.

As the second trimester looms ahead, I am both excited and apprehensive. The MAIN thing I want is to be able to enjoy food and indulge in some weird cravings…will this ever happen for me? Week 14 was such a tease! *Le grand sigh* Oh and I can’t wait to find out the sex of our baby…which we will know by the end of this month!! Stay tuned!

The Death of a Salami

The extreme, EXTREME nausea is slowly starting to go away and last week and this week (week 12 and 13) were great weeks compared to the previous 8…the nausea comes and goes, but at least it’s not 24/7 and I’ve only thrown up twice, which is a huge improvement from my daily rendez-vous with the ceramic throne.

Last week though, was a particularly violent episode…there was blood every time I heaved into the toilet. And then when I went in for Round 2, it was the type of throw up you get only after a really hard night of drinking…liquid, bile and flecks of brown. Sorry to be so graphic, but if you have a pregnant friend or wife, maybe my honesty will help you be more empathetic! My husband always asks how he can help (I know, he’s an A++ sweetie), but unless I can telepathically transfer all the horrible symptoms to him for 10 minutes, all he can really do is empathize. And maybe give me a foot massage 😉

But last week was such a breakthrough! I still can’t walk into a grocery store without being hit by a tidal wave of nausea and eating at restaurants is close to impossible, but I was able to add some food items to my list of things I can eat: tomato sauce, pasta, soba noodles with a lightly spiced sauced, and chocolate chip cookies.

Actually, most of these new additions came in the form of intense CRAVINGS. For example, one morning, as soon as my eyes opened, I declared that I NEEDED milk and cookies. Chocolate chip cookies. Everything tasted like sand until I got my milk and cookies. I was even able to control myself and eat only half a cookie (I don’t want to get gestational diabetes!) with a glass of milk, but it was the most glorious half cookie ever eaten in my life. Milk and chocolate chip cookie halves have been a breakfast staple for the past week.

That craving was followed the next day by my body’s urgent cry for PASTA. So I stopped by the local La Madeleine and ordered the Chicken Pesto Pasta…it was delicious, but for some reason it wasn’t satisfying. What my silly body forgot to specify was that she wanted PASTA with TOMATO BASED SAUCE. I didn’t realize that tomato sauce was the missing link until I was driving by a Fazoli’s (I know! Of all things, fast food italian? Blech!) when my mouth suddenly began salivating like a rabid dog…mmmm, baked spaghetti…drooollll

I had to have it…and that I did for 3 days straight + Sunday lunch. Sadly, tomato sauce is acidic and I get the worst heartburn/stomachaches, but so worth it for the party in my mouth.

Exactly my sentiments

Yesterday, I wanted ice cream…so I went to the local Marble Slab and got me a big ole sundae: cheesecake ice cream with vanilla cake mix-in, topped with strawberry sauce, whipped cream, peanuts, and of course the quintessential cherry on top. I didn’t like the whipped cream so much, but other than that it was 10 minutes in heaven…followed by 2 hours in hell. I don’t understand why I crave something only to have it rejected later. Stupid body, stupid cravings…bitch.

Also, I can tolerate the taste of garlic again (yahoo!), the smell however is a completely different story. Celery and bell peppers with ranch dip is pretty good too and stays down! Will have to try and add that to my diet on a regular basis…veggies are always good, ranch dip – not so much, but whatever, at this point, I’ll eat just about anything to break up the monotony! Apples, pears, pineapples, and strawberries are acceptable as well…they taste like CANDY! (Strawberries taste particularly delicious after being steeped in milk).

However, it was a sad week for salami sandwiches and lemonade…I can no longer stand the sight of either of them. I’m not sure what happened, but the pleasure they gave me before just no longer exists. If anything, I find salami revolting and lemonade might as well be piss in a cup. Sad I know, as all break up are, but thanks for the memories, y’all were good to me when nothing else could soothe my cantankerous stomach.