Kim Kardashian’s Butt

My husband and I attended a work function about 3 weeks ago…a work function which required me to dress up a little. I haven’t had to get fancy since a wedding in March and my body has most definitely undergone a drastic change in the last couple months. My belly ballooned out of nowhere in the past few weeks and I have also gained the most weight in my last trimester. At one point, I had gained 17 pounds in a matter of only 6 weeks haha…almost half my total weight gain to date, oops! So I added more veggies and fruit to my diet to offset the rapid weight gain and haven’t gained any weight in the past 2 weeks. Whew!

Anyway, I have refused to buy maternity clothes for the most part and have opted to buy flowy maxi dresses instead in order to not waste money on clothes I’ll only wear for a couple months. So, the only fancy dress that I still fit in, was the same one I actually wore to the wedding…and the same one I wore for my engagement party. Due to the stretching magic of jersey and spandex, the dress miraculously fit my 35 week pregnant body…albeit a little clingy. Okay maybe a lot clingy…when my dad saw me in the dress he jokingly quipped: “Don’t forget to take out those butt pads before you go to the party, you’ll attract a lot of attention.” When my husband came home to pick me up for the party, he asked “When did you eat Kim Kardashian?” 😀 My butt was always on the rounder side especially for an Asian girl, but now I have a full blown badunkadunk, like Kim Kardashian’s, pre-pregnancy (I don’t think anyone but pregnant Kim could have that kind of ass unless it’s surgically enhanced). I’m serious – my butt has gotten so big, when I lie down on my back on the floor, the small of my back doesn’t touch the ground, LOL!

But don’t get me wrong, I kinda like my big butt right now and my husband definitely loves my big butt…and my big belly (I think he secretly high fives his penis every time he sees my belly actually). He also showers me with so many compliments on a daily basis, my head has gotten fat too 😉

But seriously, poor Kim Kardashian…the media is obsessed with her weight gain during her pregnancy and the paparazzi have definitely done their job of capturing as many unflattering photos of her as possible. I will have to admit though, she has gone through quite a transformation…but how can you blame her? If you’re in the public eye and it’s your job to look good, then shiet, I would probably eat like a rabbit AND be an exercise freak to maintain my best figure. So why not give yourself a few (or more) liberties when you’re pregnant? Even with my non-celebrity pregnant status, I have totally allowed myself to eat more bread, more ice cream, use butter liberally, have noodles more than once a week, eat a cookie at lunch, and always have candy in my car…all of which I do not do as a non-preggo. I definitely like good food, but I still try to be healthy…now, I just eat what I want to eat. If a cupcake is calling my name, I will get one and enjoy every last bite, down to the itty bitty crumbs. So, I’m going to assume that Kim Kardashian is just binging on all the foods she normally abstains from…and given her naturally curvy figure, she probably abstains from most foods to maintain a curvy, but skinny frame. You go girl, enjoy your pregnancy and eat your heart out. But just one suggestion…wear some comfortable shoes, you’re Kim Kardashian, you ain’t got nothing to prove so you can let your poor swollen feet take a break.

your feet need some circulation girl…the ankle strap is gonna cause more swelling!

 

need i say anything at all?

 

if her feet could talk: “help us, heeeelllppppp usssss”

I’ve had some swelling in my lower extremities and even wearing flats and sneakers can be uncomfortable. It’s time to retire those heels, Kim and shackle like ankle straps.

Anyway, less than 3 weeks before our little man arrives and I am feeling large and in charge!

3 more weeks to go!

Excited, a little nervous, but so so soooo ready to see his cute little face.

who will he look like??

In his honor, here are mommy’s top 5 cravings during pregnancy:
1. Big Mac – this was at the very very verrrryyyy beginning, but I woke up in the middle of the night needing to eat a Big Mac. The husband told me I actually rolled over and woke him up telling him I wanted one and went back to sleep. I’ve only eaten one during my pregnancy and that one was enough. It was delicious, but now I have no desire to eat one ever again.
2. Doritos Locos Cool Ranch Doritos Taco – Watching TV one day a couple months back and a commercial airs for the reveal of the new COOL RANCH DORITOS LOCOS TACO! And I needed to have it at that moment. I had already had dinner. It was 10:00pm. But I needed it…so the husband and I drove to the nearest Taco Bell and got some for the whole family. I’ve only had it that one time and it was good, but again, I don’t think I will ever need to eat one ever again. Funny enough, my dad really likes them and gets them on occasion since that night 🙂
3. Crawfish – My friend (pregnant at the time) had posted a picture of herself and her siblings feasting on crawfish on Facebook and it looked SO DELICIOUS. And then I needed to have crawfish. Instead of instant gratification though, I waited a few weeks before trekking out to JoLynn’s Crawfish and OHMYGAH, heaven in my mouth, I think the husband and I feasted on almost 10 lbs of crawfish that day and it was oh so good. Garlicky, spicy, buttery and orgasmic all rolled into each bite. And then I had crawfish 6 more times after that, hee hee. WHAT? It’s crawfish season right now 😉 Or maybe the delayed gratification resulted in overindulgence…oh well, I’m pregnant, I can do whatever I want 😛
4. Greek Yogurt and Granola – I woke up one morning craving greek yogurt with granola, berries, and honey and it has now become a daily staple for breakfast for the past month. And sometimes as a snack too 😀 Hey, it’s healthier than ice cream isn’t it??
5. Lavender Milk Tea with Boba – Ever since I had lavender flavored creme brulee back in college, I LOVE all things lavender flavored. But it’s hard to find things that are perfectly lavender flavored…sometimes the floral taste is way overpowering and other times there just isn’t enough of it. Luckily, one day, as the husband and I were adventuring out in Chinatown, we came across a milk tea shop that makes THE BEST lavender flavored milk tea. Ever since that day, I will drive out of my way to treat myself to one. Luckily, our new house (currently under renovation – a whole post of it’s own to come), is kinda sorta close to Chinatown so every time I drive by to check on the progress of the house, I drive out to Boba Zone afterwards to get me some lavender milk tea with boba, YUM!

That is all for now. I know I haven’t been the best with posts in the past few months, but I will try to entertain you all with a few more musings before the baby arrives. But you know that once he’s here, I’ll have a whole lot more to write about…like projectile vomiting, explosive poop, how a woman’s belly still look pregnant after birth…labor…delivery…oh my, the list of candid moments to come can go on and on and on. 🙂

Last Lap Around the Track

Well hello there week 30! Only 10 more weeks to go before welcoming our baby to this world…and it can’t go by fast enough. Of course I do not want the baby to come right now because he needs to bake in the oven as long as possible, but I am SO over being pregnant. Who in their right mind actually enjoys being pregnant? Now, I just feel uncomfortable with random aches and pains everywhere, fatigue is relentless, the swamp ass is getting WORSE and I want to eat everything I see on TV.

So anyway, I’ve been talking to other pregnant women/new moms/seasoned mommies and listening to their stories/advice has been really helpful! However, the one thing I am still a little anxious about is the labor and delivery. I feel like no matter how much you read about/listen to labor stories, yours is always going to be different. I stopped reading pregnancy books in my first trimester because some of the stuff kinda freaked me out, especially the parts about labor. I REALLY don’t like reading up on labor, but I was navigating www.babycenter.com and came across an interesting article about how to prevent tearing during labor (yes, for you men reading this, I am referring to tearing down there)…the secret to that is…*drum roll please*…MASSAGING YOUR GRUNDLE (aka perineum aka that area of skin between your vagina and anus).  First of all, I would like to know who discovered this little gem. I mean you have to make a serious effort to be like, “Hey, I think I should try massaging that area between my vagina and anus and see if that will help me during labor.” Second of all, YOU ARE MASSAGING THAT AREA BETWEEN YOUR VAGINA AND ANUS! WHO DOES THAT?? Needless to say, I will leave that up to someone else to test that theory. I can only pray that my labor will be as easy as my friend who just had her baby this Tuesday (omg, he is so cute and so little and eek, I am in love) – she got to the hospital at 2am and had the baby by 8:30am AND this was her first! Lucky girl!

So anyway, 10 weeks to go…all the preggos at church are starting to deliver and I am falling in love with each and every one of them. I am so so so anxious to meet our little Ezra…if I love everyone else’s babies so much, I mean, how much will I love my own??

To conclude, here are some little gems to hold you over until my next post:

week 27!

Week 29!

TOP 5 THINGS I WILL NOT MISS ABOUT BEING PREGNANT:
1. Dimples – and I don’t mean those cute face dimples some people are blessed with…I mean orange peel like cellulite dimples on my butt, my thighs, my arms…EVERYWHERE. At 30 weeks I am up 23 pounds…if I gain the 1 lb/week that my doctor predicted, I will be up 33 pounds which puts me on the higher end of the healthy weight gain range (25 – 35). The weight thing doesn’t bother me (that much) because yes, you are supposed to gain weight, but I’m pretty sure cellulite doesn’t go away…I am hoping though, the arm dimpling is just because my arms seem to have gained the most weight. I can’t bear to leave the house without a cardigan/covering up my arms ! I know, SO vain. But I’ve always had long and lanky limbs (fact: a boy in high school used to call me orangutan in Polish – DICK, he probably had a crush on me). Once that Houston heat and humidity hits, I don’t know how I’ll be able to hide these huge meat sticks hanging off my shoulders. On the other hand, the butt and thigh dimples, well – not like I’m into wearing daisy dukes or short shorts so I can live and all the sitting at a desk job really contributed to dimpling over the years – so pregnancy is not all to blame. But now when I sit Indian style, my legs look like overstuffed sausages ready to explode out of their casing. Ugh, pregnancy.
2. Discharge – I think I will leave this at that. You preggos know what I’m talking about. Blech. I will definitely not miss this part of pregnancy AT ALL.
3. Aches and pains – Because of the growing belly (I think), I am having a relapse of some nerve pain from an old snowboarding injury (I hit a tree, taking the full impact with my left hip – luckily nothing broke, strong like ox). So anyway, I dunno if my sciatic nerve is strained because of the bulging belly or if I have permanent nerve damage from that snowboarding accident, but my body definitely is feeling out of whack. My tailbone feels like it’s either broken or bruised – it’s such a weird feeling, feels uncomfortable to sit for too long and it hurts whenever I sit down or get up from a sitting position. Sometimes, if I walk around for more than a couple hours, I get sharp pains in my left hip – to the point, I need to limp. My pubic bone also gets sharp pains from time to time, as if someone has taken a chisel and hammer to that bone. AWESOME! Not.
4. Suffering through allergies – Not a big fan of taking any sort of medicine, but my life depended on functioning normally during allergy season with the help of Zyrtec. When you’re pregnant, your list of approved medications is quite limited and unfortunately, all allergy medication is banned. Allergy season has just started in Houston…and remember what I said in my last entry about sneezing and peeing? Womp womp.
5. Misplacing my phone – I lose my phone about 10 times a day. No joke…I put it down and I can’t remember where. Half the time, my phone is on silent so calling it doesn’t even help…I have to case the house and try to remember where I might have put it down last. At least I haven’t put it in the refrigerator or something…it’s usually in the crack of the couch, or on the bed or in the bathroom…it just takes me awhile to remember. I’m sure pregnancy brain has something to with this, but if I have a mischievous toddler, I may lose my phone more often because he wants to play with it and hide it from mommy. But that’s okay 🙂

The Final Countdown

OMG – only 13 more weeks to go until I pop this baby out…where has all this time gone? It felt like it was only yesterday I was waiting for husband to come home from basketball to share the news! The weeks when I was overwhelmed with morning sickness dragged on and on and on, but all of a sudden, BAM, third trimester! I’m so excited to meet our little one, but really nervous about all the events preceding and proceeding his arrival (i.e. labor, birthing, excruciating pain, episiotomy, breast feeding, protecting Ezra from all the evil things in the world etc).

The past few weeks since my last entry have been for the most part uneventful…minus getting contractions (not the Braxton Hicks kind) a little bit on the early side – that was a couple of days of high anxiety, but all’s well that ends well. Doctor has formerly grounded me from my jetsetting lifestyle and has instructed me to take it easy.  No more flying for the next who knows how long is a very depressing thought, but oh first world problems, haha.  So other than that little bump in the road, we’re back on our way!

To commemorate the beginning of the third trimester, here are a few top five moments of pregnancy so far:

Top 5 Things I Have Missed While Pregnant:
1. Sleeping on my stomach – have always been a stomach sleeper since I was a baby, and boy do I miss being able to sleep on my stomach. I had the absolute delight the other week of being able to lay comfortably on my engorged stomach during a prenatal massage thanks to some special cushions. It was so heavenly…50 minutes of pure bliss.
2. TUNA AND YELLOWTAIL – Pregnancy hasn’t really stopped me from eating sushi, but I have at least had the proper sense to abstain from high mercury fish. Sadly, these two are my absolute two favorite fish – raw, cooked, however it’s presented, I will devour it in one bite! I have instructed Husband to have tuna and yellowtail at the hospital as soon as I give birth. What I would kill for even a tuna fish sandwich or grilled yellowtail collarbone…DROOL
3. A solid night of sleep – sleeping is starting to get quite difficult with a growing belly. Also, with the growing baby dancing elaborate jigs on my bladder, I wake up at least 2 times a night to go pee pee. I’m pretty sure though that my solid nights of sleep are pretty much over for the next two years…unless we decide to add another member of the family so my sleepless nights may be a way of life for the next 4 or 5 years. I’m sure it will be worth the sacrifice.
4. Pad Thai – everyone and their mother now knows how much I loved and adored Pad Thai…sadly, this relationship badly soured with the onset of morning sickness and we are now mortal enemies. I missed it dearly and awaited for the time of morning sickness to pass and for us to renew our relationship…but even though I am now able to eat everything grown/raised/cultured under the sun, Pad Thai and I cannot seem to make amends. Since then, I am guilty of having found a suitable replacement, Pad Thai’s spicy little brother, Pad Kee Mao.
5. BEER – OH MAH GAH, what I would do for a tall glass of brew…a pilsner, a heifeweisen, a pale ale, the list goes on…anything but stout really. Although I’ve probably broken every “do not eat” rule, there have been enough studies of how alcohol effects the fetus that I have stayed clear from any form of alcohol. For the most part, I do not think about drinking vodka or wine or the likes, but I REALLY WANT SOME BEER!! Like right now with my brunch would be divine. Cold, crisp, bubbles tickling my nose, the buzz after my first beer (LIGHTWEIGHT, I know)…the more I write about it, the more I want to crack open a tall Delirium Tremens and get a little tipsy, hee hee. I might need to add beer to my last of things to have Husband bring me while still in the hospital after delivery!

Top 5 Annoying Things About Pregnancy
1. Swamp ass – not sure what it is about being pregnant, maybe higher blood volume or something, but I get SO HOT…down there. I mean swamp ass doesn’t even fully describe how hot and sweaty it can get down there. The other day, I was in a meeting with our contractor and it was so freaking hot in his office. When I got up to leave, I was mortified to see that I had left a sweaty butt print on the leather seat. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, oh well. Trust me, I’m not the only one in this predicament – just probably one of the few audacious enough to admit that I have a sweaty, swampy nether region.
2. Peeing a little when you sneeze or cough or laugh – I don’t mean like fully let go of your bladder, but a little squirt here and there. Now don’t go thinking whenever you hear me sneeze, guffaw uncontrollably, or cough that I just pee pee’d a little…it doesn’t happen every time, but it definitely happens more than I would like to admit. Again, there is a direct correlation of baby bouncing on the bladder and pee pee’ing unexpectedly. Also, I hear it gets worse after you give birth because of the strain and trauma your underparts have to endure (elective cesarean anyone??) However, I have heard doing your Kegels helps this situation out, and although I have been working on my Kegels, it’s hard to elevate the thought of exercising your vagina to a certain plane of consciousness.
3. PrEgNaNcY BrAiN – I am not a forgetful person…however, pregnancy brain fogs up my mind so much I forget simple things like how to work the espresso machine or what day of the week it is. I hate HATE hate becoming so forgetful, huge pet peeve of mine.
4. Emotional roller coasters – you know how PMS comes with waves of emotions? Well, at least that happens only once a month…since about week 20 or so, I have been on an up and down scale of emotions. One second, I can go from being normal and happy to angry and annoyed. This simple video (Adam and Dog – a 2013 Oscar nominated animated short) had me in tears at the end. I was deeply disturbed/moved when I drove by a thoughtlessly run over duck in my neighborhood being mourned by two other ducks.  I mean the list goes on of what causes the tears and the elevated blood pressure. I’m hoping that this doesn’t mean I will have some crazy postpartum depression, fingers crossed.
5. BO – Never had it, but damn, I don’t know if having a boy in my body has elevated my testosterone production or what, but wow, I smell so bad. And it doesn’t take much to make me sweat these days, so my fight with BO is pretty much an all day battle…one which I am losing. I use deodorant, but due to pregnancy brain, I forget sometimes, hee hee hee. Sorry in advance!

Anyway, I think from now until the end of pregnancy, I will be posting more Top 5’s of pregnancy – the good, the bad and the ugly! Until then, my belly at week 26…rockin’ out in a bikini. Oh yes, yes I did – and felt damn sexy!

Korean Vegetarian

It seems for the most part that the nausea is slowly starting to go away…or at least lessen in severity. Sometimes car ride can trigger it, but it usually comes with a vengeance out of the blue, as it did last night, but the constant 24/7 nausea is going away.

Last night, I was craving fried chicken, but ended up throwing it all up only moments after dinner. It was an interesting vomiting session…I had been drinking an Ocean Water (a blue coconut soda from Sonic), so when the food came out, it was this cool electric blue color. I kind of wanted to take and post a picture, but that is just plain disgusting and is sure to drive away my whole 5 readers if my TMI hasn’t already.

So it seems that the baby growing in my belly is definitely Korean and there are strong indications that s/he is a vegetarian. The following three cravings have no adverse effects on mommy (so far):

1. Veggies (almost all veggies…but need to be careful with potatoes, onions, avocados and mushrooms – it’s a toss up with those for some reason – probably all PSYCHOlogical haha)
2. Cheese – omahgah, I love cheese…particularly in the form of grilled cheese sandwiches. Nom nom nom
3. KOREAN FOOD, the SPICY variety – I particularly am enjoying bibimbap, ddukboki, and kimchi jigae…my intestines punish me later, but diarrhea is way better than constipation so I’m okay with that…unless I have a sudden urge to evacuate my bowels when no bathroom
is in sight – a fun story for later, maybe hahahaha. Anyway, I jokingly told my husband that there is no doubt the baby is Korean to which he replied, “Should there be any reason WHY the baby wouldn’t be Korean?” Hee hee hee, funny guy.

However, I still can’t fully enjoy the following…but still get cravings for them, grrrr:

1. Meat of most kinds – i.e fried chicken…sounded like a good idea, it was not. I DO love Spam in my kimchi jigae though hee hee…And lamb, but only when I want it
2. Seafood is a hit or miss – Hubby took me to a fantastic steakhouse for my birthday but my meal and appetite were destroyed by a lobster bisque…I can enjoy an occasional shrimp and the other day I really wanted sushi!
3. Espresso – I used to live on this stuff, but nowadays, the smallest sip of a latte makes me jittery to the point of feeling sick, which cannot be good for the baby! But of course sometimes I really really want a latte, but only to feel like shit afterwards.

I am also still experiencing daily headaches, hormones are making my armpit skin dark (WTF??), my farts are still awesomely loud and rank, and the b00bies are still growing – although extremely full now, still no under boobage, gah! I bet they would look awesome in a corset though, full tops of breasts spilling out all over the place.

The nausea I am feeling however, is nothing compared to this one poor girl. A friend at church shared with me how her sister-in-law has such severe hyperemesis gravidarum (extreme morning sickness, the kind that put Princess Kate in the hospital – when one suffers from this, even clear liquids won’t stay down, yikes!), she needs to be on a continuous Zofran (med for nausea) drip and will probably need to be induced because both mother and baby are suffering…ugh, I can’t even imagine how that must feel! I probably would have struggled with wanting to terminate the pregnancy. My thoughts and prayers for her and the baby…after hearing that, it really put things into perspective!

Also, my belly is taking its sweet ass time to grow…currently it just looks like I have developed a fupa.