Kim Kardashian’s Butt

My husband and I attended a work function about 3 weeks ago…a work function which required me to dress up a little. I haven’t had to get fancy since a wedding in March and my body has most definitely undergone a drastic change in the last couple months. My belly ballooned out of nowhere in the past few weeks and I have also gained the most weight in my last trimester. At one point, I had gained 17 pounds in a matter of only 6 weeks haha…almost half my total weight gain to date, oops! So I added more veggies and fruit to my diet to offset the rapid weight gain and haven’t gained any weight in the past 2 weeks. Whew!

Anyway, I have refused to buy maternity clothes for the most part and have opted to buy flowy maxi dresses instead in order to not waste money on clothes I’ll only wear for a couple months. So, the only fancy dress that I still fit in, was the same one I actually wore to the wedding…and the same one I wore for my engagement party. Due to the stretching magic of jersey and spandex, the dress miraculously fit my 35 week pregnant body…albeit a little clingy. Okay maybe a lot clingy…when my dad saw me in the dress he jokingly quipped: “Don’t forget to take out those butt pads before you go to the party, you’ll attract a lot of attention.” When my husband came home to pick me up for the party, he asked “When did you eat Kim Kardashian?” 😀 My butt was always on the rounder side especially for an Asian girl, but now I have a full blown badunkadunk, like Kim Kardashian’s, pre-pregnancy (I don’t think anyone but pregnant Kim could have that kind of ass unless it’s surgically enhanced). I’m serious – my butt has gotten so big, when I lie down on my back on the floor, the small of my back doesn’t touch the ground, LOL!

But don’t get me wrong, I kinda like my big butt right now and my husband definitely loves my big butt…and my big belly (I think he secretly high fives his penis every time he sees my belly actually). He also showers me with so many compliments on a daily basis, my head has gotten fat too 😉

But seriously, poor Kim Kardashian…the media is obsessed with her weight gain during her pregnancy and the paparazzi have definitely done their job of capturing as many unflattering photos of her as possible. I will have to admit though, she has gone through quite a transformation…but how can you blame her? If you’re in the public eye and it’s your job to look good, then shiet, I would probably eat like a rabbit AND be an exercise freak to maintain my best figure. So why not give yourself a few (or more) liberties when you’re pregnant? Even with my non-celebrity pregnant status, I have totally allowed myself to eat more bread, more ice cream, use butter liberally, have noodles more than once a week, eat a cookie at lunch, and always have candy in my car…all of which I do not do as a non-preggo. I definitely like good food, but I still try to be healthy…now, I just eat what I want to eat. If a cupcake is calling my name, I will get one and enjoy every last bite, down to the itty bitty crumbs. So, I’m going to assume that Kim Kardashian is just binging on all the foods she normally abstains from…and given her naturally curvy figure, she probably abstains from most foods to maintain a curvy, but skinny frame. You go girl, enjoy your pregnancy and eat your heart out. But just one suggestion…wear some comfortable shoes, you’re Kim Kardashian, you ain’t got nothing to prove so you can let your poor swollen feet take a break.

your feet need some circulation girl…the ankle strap is gonna cause more swelling!

 

need i say anything at all?

 

if her feet could talk: “help us, heeeelllppppp usssss”

I’ve had some swelling in my lower extremities and even wearing flats and sneakers can be uncomfortable. It’s time to retire those heels, Kim and shackle like ankle straps.

Anyway, less than 3 weeks before our little man arrives and I am feeling large and in charge!

3 more weeks to go!

Excited, a little nervous, but so so soooo ready to see his cute little face.

who will he look like??

In his honor, here are mommy’s top 5 cravings during pregnancy:
1. Big Mac – this was at the very very verrrryyyy beginning, but I woke up in the middle of the night needing to eat a Big Mac. The husband told me I actually rolled over and woke him up telling him I wanted one and went back to sleep. I’ve only eaten one during my pregnancy and that one was enough. It was delicious, but now I have no desire to eat one ever again.
2. Doritos Locos Cool Ranch Doritos Taco – Watching TV one day a couple months back and a commercial airs for the reveal of the new COOL RANCH DORITOS LOCOS TACO! And I needed to have it at that moment. I had already had dinner. It was 10:00pm. But I needed it…so the husband and I drove to the nearest Taco Bell and got some for the whole family. I’ve only had it that one time and it was good, but again, I don’t think I will ever need to eat one ever again. Funny enough, my dad really likes them and gets them on occasion since that night 🙂
3. Crawfish – My friend (pregnant at the time) had posted a picture of herself and her siblings feasting on crawfish on Facebook and it looked SO DELICIOUS. And then I needed to have crawfish. Instead of instant gratification though, I waited a few weeks before trekking out to JoLynn’s Crawfish and OHMYGAH, heaven in my mouth, I think the husband and I feasted on almost 10 lbs of crawfish that day and it was oh so good. Garlicky, spicy, buttery and orgasmic all rolled into each bite. And then I had crawfish 6 more times after that, hee hee. WHAT? It’s crawfish season right now 😉 Or maybe the delayed gratification resulted in overindulgence…oh well, I’m pregnant, I can do whatever I want 😛
4. Greek Yogurt and Granola – I woke up one morning craving greek yogurt with granola, berries, and honey and it has now become a daily staple for breakfast for the past month. And sometimes as a snack too 😀 Hey, it’s healthier than ice cream isn’t it??
5. Lavender Milk Tea with Boba – Ever since I had lavender flavored creme brulee back in college, I LOVE all things lavender flavored. But it’s hard to find things that are perfectly lavender flavored…sometimes the floral taste is way overpowering and other times there just isn’t enough of it. Luckily, one day, as the husband and I were adventuring out in Chinatown, we came across a milk tea shop that makes THE BEST lavender flavored milk tea. Ever since that day, I will drive out of my way to treat myself to one. Luckily, our new house (currently under renovation – a whole post of it’s own to come), is kinda sorta close to Chinatown so every time I drive by to check on the progress of the house, I drive out to Boba Zone afterwards to get me some lavender milk tea with boba, YUM!

That is all for now. I know I haven’t been the best with posts in the past few months, but I will try to entertain you all with a few more musings before the baby arrives. But you know that once he’s here, I’ll have a whole lot more to write about…like projectile vomiting, explosive poop, how a woman’s belly still look pregnant after birth…labor…delivery…oh my, the list of candid moments to come can go on and on and on. 🙂

Last Lap Around the Track

Well hello there week 30! Only 10 more weeks to go before welcoming our baby to this world…and it can’t go by fast enough. Of course I do not want the baby to come right now because he needs to bake in the oven as long as possible, but I am SO over being pregnant. Who in their right mind actually enjoys being pregnant? Now, I just feel uncomfortable with random aches and pains everywhere, fatigue is relentless, the swamp ass is getting WORSE and I want to eat everything I see on TV.

So anyway, I’ve been talking to other pregnant women/new moms/seasoned mommies and listening to their stories/advice has been really helpful! However, the one thing I am still a little anxious about is the labor and delivery. I feel like no matter how much you read about/listen to labor stories, yours is always going to be different. I stopped reading pregnancy books in my first trimester because some of the stuff kinda freaked me out, especially the parts about labor. I REALLY don’t like reading up on labor, but I was navigating www.babycenter.com and came across an interesting article about how to prevent tearing during labor (yes, for you men reading this, I am referring to tearing down there)…the secret to that is…*drum roll please*…MASSAGING YOUR GRUNDLE (aka perineum aka that area of skin between your vagina and anus).  First of all, I would like to know who discovered this little gem. I mean you have to make a serious effort to be like, “Hey, I think I should try massaging that area between my vagina and anus and see if that will help me during labor.” Second of all, YOU ARE MASSAGING THAT AREA BETWEEN YOUR VAGINA AND ANUS! WHO DOES THAT?? Needless to say, I will leave that up to someone else to test that theory. I can only pray that my labor will be as easy as my friend who just had her baby this Tuesday (omg, he is so cute and so little and eek, I am in love) – she got to the hospital at 2am and had the baby by 8:30am AND this was her first! Lucky girl!

So anyway, 10 weeks to go…all the preggos at church are starting to deliver and I am falling in love with each and every one of them. I am so so so anxious to meet our little Ezra…if I love everyone else’s babies so much, I mean, how much will I love my own??

To conclude, here are some little gems to hold you over until my next post:

week 27!

Week 29!

TOP 5 THINGS I WILL NOT MISS ABOUT BEING PREGNANT:
1. Dimples – and I don’t mean those cute face dimples some people are blessed with…I mean orange peel like cellulite dimples on my butt, my thighs, my arms…EVERYWHERE. At 30 weeks I am up 23 pounds…if I gain the 1 lb/week that my doctor predicted, I will be up 33 pounds which puts me on the higher end of the healthy weight gain range (25 – 35). The weight thing doesn’t bother me (that much) because yes, you are supposed to gain weight, but I’m pretty sure cellulite doesn’t go away…I am hoping though, the arm dimpling is just because my arms seem to have gained the most weight. I can’t bear to leave the house without a cardigan/covering up my arms ! I know, SO vain. But I’ve always had long and lanky limbs (fact: a boy in high school used to call me orangutan in Polish – DICK, he probably had a crush on me). Once that Houston heat and humidity hits, I don’t know how I’ll be able to hide these huge meat sticks hanging off my shoulders. On the other hand, the butt and thigh dimples, well – not like I’m into wearing daisy dukes or short shorts so I can live and all the sitting at a desk job really contributed to dimpling over the years – so pregnancy is not all to blame. But now when I sit Indian style, my legs look like overstuffed sausages ready to explode out of their casing. Ugh, pregnancy.
2. Discharge – I think I will leave this at that. You preggos know what I’m talking about. Blech. I will definitely not miss this part of pregnancy AT ALL.
3. Aches and pains – Because of the growing belly (I think), I am having a relapse of some nerve pain from an old snowboarding injury (I hit a tree, taking the full impact with my left hip – luckily nothing broke, strong like ox). So anyway, I dunno if my sciatic nerve is strained because of the bulging belly or if I have permanent nerve damage from that snowboarding accident, but my body definitely is feeling out of whack. My tailbone feels like it’s either broken or bruised – it’s such a weird feeling, feels uncomfortable to sit for too long and it hurts whenever I sit down or get up from a sitting position. Sometimes, if I walk around for more than a couple hours, I get sharp pains in my left hip – to the point, I need to limp. My pubic bone also gets sharp pains from time to time, as if someone has taken a chisel and hammer to that bone. AWESOME! Not.
4. Suffering through allergies – Not a big fan of taking any sort of medicine, but my life depended on functioning normally during allergy season with the help of Zyrtec. When you’re pregnant, your list of approved medications is quite limited and unfortunately, all allergy medication is banned. Allergy season has just started in Houston…and remember what I said in my last entry about sneezing and peeing? Womp womp.
5. Misplacing my phone – I lose my phone about 10 times a day. No joke…I put it down and I can’t remember where. Half the time, my phone is on silent so calling it doesn’t even help…I have to case the house and try to remember where I might have put it down last. At least I haven’t put it in the refrigerator or something…it’s usually in the crack of the couch, or on the bed or in the bathroom…it just takes me awhile to remember. I’m sure pregnancy brain has something to with this, but if I have a mischievous toddler, I may lose my phone more often because he wants to play with it and hide it from mommy. But that’s okay 🙂

Homeward Bound

Sorry for the long overdue post, folks! The past few weeks have hurled past me and just realized today it’s been nearly a month since my last post!

Big, big changes since the last post though:

a) NO MORE NAUSEA!! – well, okay so ALMOST no more nausea…but I don’t get sick anymore. Okay that’s a lie too, I’ve gotten sick twice; once after a hearty breakfast, I was brushing my tongue, gagged and then threw up and then the second time was yesterday at lunch – had some left over thai noodles and it just didn’t sit well in my stomach. Although no nausea, I do get major major acid reflux. Oh well, I’d rather have that then be getting sick.

b) I am HUNGRY all the time! But of course there is a caveat to that as well…if I eat to the point of satisfaction, then I’ve eaten too much and I feel way too full and so so sooooo uncomfortable. My fellow pregnant friends have told me to enjoy it now because you’ll get full even quicker in the advance months…awesome. So eat in moderation – got it. But food tastes SO good now, SO SO SOOOOOOOOOO good, sometimes I can’t stop myself. And being too full comes with a wicked case of acid reflux…and I’m pretty sure I’ve weakened whatever valve is between my esophagus and stomach from all the throwing up because I feel like half the time I’m burping up whatever I ate for a few hours after my meals.

c) WE FOUND OUT THE GENDER!!! Went in for the 20 week anatomy scan but asked the technician to withhold the sex from as as we were going to have a little reveal party. She wrote it down on a piece of paper and sealed it in an envelope. I miraculously was able to deliver the envelope to the baker without opening it before I got there. I love love the image of the feet and hand waving hello…can’t wait to kiss those in 17 weeks!

Unfortunately, doctor couldn’t get a clearer image of our little one because apparently, Baby is a mover!

Of course, me being a freak and liking to ruin my own surprises I thought I caught a little glimpse of a pee pee (having seen other boy ultrasounds). I think the technician was a little shocked so she promptly moved the screen so I couldn’t look anymore hahahaha. So when I cut open the cake:

“Twinkle twinkle little star, how we wonder what you are”

I wasn’t completely surprised, but I was absolutely delighted to confirm that I did in fact see his little penis.  IT’S A BOY!!! We’ve decided to name him Ezra Zane (Korean name somewhat TBD). Both are strong names with great meanings. Ezra = Helper and Zane = God is gracious. We hope to raise him to honor, love and serve God. 

Can’t wait to welcome our little Ezra

But yea, I don’t know if it’s because he’s a boy or what, but wow he is the active one! I feel him moving throughout the day…a kick here, a punch there, a squiggle or two in between (yes, I dunno if he’s swimming or dancing, but it feels like what a squiggle would be). And the hubby has finally felt him move too! These feels are altogether quite alien, but the weirdest is when he kicks inwards towards my bowels, I swear he is trying to stick his foot out my butthole. 

D) My belly is finally starting to show…I think it started around week 21/22 actually and exploded out of nowhere for sure. Funny thing…in the first 20 weeks, I only had a net weight gain of 6 pounds. Since week 20, I have gained another 7 – oops! I will need to monitor it a bit and make sure to gain no more than 1 pound a week until I deliver otherwise I will be uncomfortably huge. But here you go, belly at week 22:

It’s finally starting to come out! And I’m pretty sure there’s a vast difference from 22 to 23 too!

Well, that’s all for now…we are now in the home stretch or just short of the third trimester. At 23 weeks, I am more than half way done with pregnancy! I am so excited to meet our little Ezra…I feel like these next 17 weeks will fly by. I promise promise PROMISE to do a better job of updating in the weeks to come!

Body Con

Pregnancy is a bitch…on top of nausea, there’s excessive gas (emitted from both ends, sometimes uncontrollably and without warning), vomiting, gagging while brushing your teeth, headaches, diarrhea/constipation, heartburn, food aversions, headaches, mood swings, fatigue…and that’s only in the first 19 weeks. I’m not even sure what lies ahead in the next 21 weeks, but I can guarantee that it’s probably not a bag of fun…well, other than the end product, our beautiful baby boy/girl. Now THAT part of pregnancy I am totally looking forward to, holding a cooing/smiling/crying/pooping mini me/mini hubby in my arms. Can’t wait! Speaking of which, we will find out the sex Feb. 9 via a gender reveal cake cutting…exciteddddd~~

But anyway, on top of all these side effects, I am struggling with similar prepubescent body image issues I dealt with when I was younger. All the throwing up kind of gives me flashbacks of when I used to make myself throw up…voluntarily. Yes, sadly, I was a bulimic, sometimes an anorexic. Never so severe that I needed help, but it did get bad enough that I toyed with the idea of getting help for my own sake. At the end, preparing for/being part of a pageant after college helped me get over all my body image issues and helped me to become the confident person I am now. (Ironic, no?) In fact, I felt the sexiest when I weighed my heaviest in my adult years.

However, as a young girl, I suffered from some grossly distorted images of myself and was very, very insecure of the way I looked. I was always taller and bigger than most of my peers, including the boys before they hit puberty. This didn’t bother me until I was on the swim team the summer before 6th grade…I specifically remember feeling “uncomfortable” during swim team because I couldn’t see the bones in my feet like the “skinny” girls, my thighs rubbed together, and I had a rounder tummy. I longed to be like them…and the insecurities really started there. During the 6th grade I experienced a major growth spurt and started shedding the baby fat, but I was constantly comparing myself to “skinny” girls. It wasn’t until the summer before the 8th grade that I decided to deal with my body image issues…by starving myself. Luckily, it wasn’t severe, but when I look at pictures from that summer, my head looks oddly large on my lanky body. From then on, it was a constant roller coaster ride…I never thought I was slender enough…if I wasn’t obsessively counting calories, then I was on some extreme diet. I tried everything from diet pills to SlimFast to Chinese laxative teas. These habits lasted for several years (at least a decade), sometimes making me feel like a prisoner in my own body. I had a friend who almost lost her life during my junior year of college because of a very similar struggle…yet it didn’t deter me from my own ways, I always thought, “It’s not that bad. That will never happen to me.” Luckily, she fully recovered and is now a mommy of three very cute, sometimes rambunctious brood of boys!

And now, I am also a fully recovered mommy to be of a mystery being growing in my belly. BUT as I mentioned before, the throwing up was giving me flashbacks of when I wasn’t healthy about my body image. At first, when the nausea first kicked in, my body refused to let me throw up…maybe some mental mechanism, who knows. So I was constantly fighting the urge to throw up and when I needed to I couldn’t…but that quickly changed and I was throwing up after almost every meal for a few weeks. And I will admit, when I started losing weight because I couldn’t keep anything down/in, I secretly reveled at the the diminishing numbers on the scale and needed to remind myself, “Girl, you’re pregnant! You shouldn’t be rejoicing over your weight loss!” And now that I AM starting to put on weight, I have to again remind myself that I’m pregnant and that it’s normal and it’s okay to be gaining weight.

Some days, I feel so fat and disgusting, that I can’t even bear to look at myself so I need to remind myself “YOU’RE PREGNANT!!” But I also totally do not feel pregnant because my belly has yet to really look like a pregnant belly, although as of week 19, it is starting to jut out way more. I’m concerned that strangers will just think that I’m out of shape – why do I even care about what strangers think?? My husband always tells me I am beautiful (I love when he rubs and kisses my little belly) so that’s all that should really matter. He knows I struggled with body image issues so he also reminds me that I’m pregnant too when I complain that I feel fat. (Side note: I love him, trulydeeply, no one has ever made me feel as beautiful and as special and loved as him.)

I’m not sure if other pregnant women that had similar body image issues when they were younger felt them return during pregnancy, if you did, I feel you. Now that I am starting to get over the nastiest bits of pregnancy, hopefully I will stop having prepubescent mental flashbacks and start enjoying this very special induction into womanhood. But I will have to say, the 2 best reminders that I’m pregnant are: 1) when the hubs rubs my belly so adoringly and 2) when the baby makes his/her presence known with a little kick or two.

End note: if you know of anyone struggling with an eating disorder, please encourage them to get help. Anorexia and bulimia are real conditions that effect both men and women and can become life threatening. Let them know that they can find their happy endings.

What Dreams May Come (REISSUE)

I was somehow able to retrieve my lost entry (minus the pictures), YAHOO! Have had many more dreams since then, but so happy that I was able to save this entry!

I’ve always been fascinated by dreams…they are always vivid – so vivid in fact, I can taste and smell things in my dreams sometimes. Sometimes I’m lucid in my dreams…when I was little, I used to have scary dreams…I taught myself to wake up from them and I still can. When I sleep in other people’s beds (at hotels or at a friend’s house etc), I have some of the weirdest dreams…I swear I am dreaming dreams of whoever was the previous occupant of the bed. Other times my dreams are like premonitions…like the one time I dreamt the the pastor’s wife was pregnant – well it ended up that SHE wasn’t pregnant, but 8 of the ladies at my church were, including myself! Not like fortune teller style, but sometimes I think there might be some divine guidance behind them. Like the time Jesus appeared to me in my dream – scary, but healing and inspiring (this was really an awesome dream, message me if you want to hear about it.)

Anyways, I diverge…so yea, I love dreams and the dreamworld…but now that I am pregnant, my dreams are even MORE VIVID and MORE FANTASTICAL than ever before. Apparently, it has something to do with all the frequent urination at night so you’re constantly interrupting your sleep cycle. Or something like that. Some of the dreams are awesome and so fun (like when I was a wizard at Hogwarts and was flying around on my broom), and others are sad or creepy (like the time I stepped into a room of snakes…but I’m pretty sure it was because I watched a clip from Killer Karaoke where a girl gets dunked into a tank full of snakes before going to bed).

Here, in more detail, are a few of my favorite ones:

ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE:
Last night, my brain was so desperately trying to process my much forgotten Polish. In my dream, I was in some sort of zombie apocalypse and I had to go into a Polish bar that was selling EB and Zywiec beers (czas na piwo anyone?) decorated top to bottom with the Polish flag and their national emblem to get some crucial information on the next zombie attack. I kept mixing my Polish with my Spanish and it was incredibly frustrating – there was a lot of “nie rozumiem” (“I don’t understand), but alas, I was able to get the information needed and went running off with my zombie defense group to penetrate zombie headquarters before they could attack the last human outpost.

UNDERWATER ADVENTURE WITH SCOOBY DOO:
A couple weeks ago, Scooby Doo took me, my husband and a couple of our friends on an underwater adventure across the ocean floor. And it was all animated…except Scooby Doo. Except it wasn’t the real Scooby Doo, but Bo the White House dog.

So anyway, we have to cross the ocean floor to get to a house to baby sit a house full of puppies so Scooby/Bo leads us into the water were we enter a world much like Sponge Bob’s and walk to the other side of the ocean. Along the way, we encounter a very crudely drawn octopus who gives us a slimy high five. Once we reach our destination, we’re no longer animated and then we enter a house full of baby animals of all types, but mostly a lot of puppies.

THE SNORE:
My husband is a snorer and normally it doesn’t bother me or wake me up, but these days, because I am constantly getting up to pee (damn you, growing uterus squishing my bladder!), his snoring has actually taken on a role in my sleep in the form of a sound effect! For example, in one dream, I was talking to my friend’s sister but for the life of me I could not hear a single word he was saying because there was a leaf blower or a lawn mower in the background. I ended up waking up to my husband’s snoring. In another dream, his snoring was the sound of a tidal wave that was roaring towards my high school and I needed to run to the top floor of the school for safety which ended up being connected to a mall where my car was parked and I drove away just in the nick of time. Whew! Another time his snoring just woke me up so I pinched his nose to make him stop, hee hee hee.

At least he doesn’t talk in his sleep because who knows what role that may play in my dreams!

The Next Frontier…Trimester #2

Week 14: the most notable difference during week 14 was that my appetite…it returned!! And it was glorious, laaaaaaa! *Play triumphant sounding orchestral piece*

Food tasted like it should, if not better…I had a hesitant welcome home party for my appetite at Benihana’s – might as well have licked the plate(s) clean – and after that, I slowly re-introduced food items that I could not even stand the sight of, starting with eggs for breakfast. Yum! And then Korean food! Double yum! Welcome Home, Appetite…this self-professed foodie/fattie had been (im)patiently waiting for your return. And luckily, I only threw up twice during week 14

Sadly, Thai food may be a lost cause forever – didn’t enjoy it at all. I could only manage to choke down a few bites, but something about it just…blech. Also, I still didn’t have much of a palate for meat, poultry or pork, but not a huge loss there. Contrarily, the possible permanent death of pad thai is a true travesty. Let’s take a moment of silence in its honor…

Week 15: So, as luck would have it, week 15 brought on, once again, the love/hate relationship with food…actually there was a lot more hate as the nausea returned (again, in the form of all day nausea). The thing that was worse this round of nausea was that I can’t seem to throw up and have only done so once (at a restaurant, blech!) so I have to ride out the nausea for the most part 😦

Food aversions made eating difficult…mostly because they just developed as soon as it was in my mouth…I couldn’t predict what I would
not be able to eat. If I ate one thing that didn’t agree with the palate, the rest of my meal was ruined.

For example, because of the previous success at Benihana’s, I wanted to go again for a family dinner. Unfortunately the only thing I liked this time was their salad as the fried rice completely ruined my appetite, awesome! Meat is still a huge no no, heartburn accompanies the nausea, and I burp up bile more often than I would like. Luckily, I was still enjoying Korean food though, so whew! 🙂

Week 16: That would be this week! Food and I are still on shaky grounds…even water tastes weird. I am, however, really loving vegetables and pineapples and Diet Coke. Korean food tastes better than ever, but is almost always followed by heartburn and the most disgusting and stinkiest burps of my life.

That sonofabitch nausea persists and I am sooooo tired all the time. Headaches are pretty much a daily occurrence and I finally caved and started taking Tylenol because sometimes they’re so bad, I can’t function. My boobs have lost their sex appeal for me, I feel like I belong in a National Geographic, but I think the hubby is still enjoying them so that’s all that matters.

[On a side note: my dog is experiencing her first heat cycle and I’ve noticed that her nipples have gotten larger…I also heard my husband say (as he was rubbing her belly), “Mabel, your nipples have gotten bigger just like your Mommy’s!” I couldn’t help but laugh…darn, so he HAS noticed!]

On the upside, I have felt the baby move AND kick. Apparently if you poke your belly around weeks 14/15, the baby will respond by moving. So I wanted to see if I could feel the movement and I did!! And one time s/he kicked back! It was such a weird feeling! But awesome…so awesome in fact that I like to dedicate a little bit of time during the day to lay down and poke my belly to see how Baby will respond. S/he seems to favor the left side.

Also, went to the doctor today and she confirmed that Baby is extremely active…she always has a hard time detecting the heartbeat bc s/he moves so much. We may have our hands full come June 17! Also, due to the nausea and vomiting in the first 15 weeks of pregnancy, my net weight gain has been only 1 pound…I’m sure that will change in the next few weeks! I am looking forward to having a baby belly…maybe once the belly starts protruding more, I’ll stop feeling fat and more pregnant instead.

As the second trimester looms ahead, I am both excited and apprehensive. The MAIN thing I want is to be able to enjoy food and indulge in some weird cravings…will this ever happen for me? Week 14 was such a tease! *Le grand sigh* Oh and I can’t wait to find out the sex of our baby…which we will know by the end of this month!! Stay tuned!

The Good, The Bad, and the Fugly

Here are some things I learned in the first 13 weeks of pregnancy:

THE GOOD:

• b00bies people, the bewbies are awesome! Was only able to wear one bra comfortably for the past 6 weeks, wore it so much there were permanent sweat stains and it started to rip, oops. Got remeasured and was tickled pink to find out I am up a whole cup size
• sex has reached a new level of phenomenal…I’m talking fireworks with loud marching band music playing in the background as a large stadium of people cheer on phenomenal…husbands of pregnant women, if she is denying you sex for whatever reason – it’s probably made up and the both of you are really missing out big time
• I fart shamelessly in front of my husband…before pregnancy, I rarely passed gas around him, usually waited until I was alone or walked out of the room. Now, I let ’em rip! The first time it happened, we were in the car and it was like a very long and prolonged trumpet blast, much louder than even I anticipated! It was really quiet for a second and then he turned to look at me and say, “I did not expect that to come out from you.” HAHAHAHAHA
• my nails are so strong and grow so fast! Prob all the vitamins I’m taking
• my hair hardly sheds now and grows fast too…and the part closest to my scalp is so healthy and shiny! the ends, however, are still pretty frazzled from all the chemical processing I have undergone in the past two years… I have really thick hair to begin with and now it’s gets a little frizzy and hard to manage, but less time cleaning up hair off the bathroom floor
• it’s okay to be a little helpless…milk it a little before someone really helpless (i.e. the baby) enters your life and will require everyone’s undivided attention, hee hee, Husband, I love youuuu!
• my dreams are so vivid and awesome lately…need to start a dream journal to remember them more clearly. For example, last week, I had a dream that I was friends with Emma Stone and we needed to exploit our good for nothing boss. We dressed up like men to trick him into giving us crucial evidence to incriminate himself, but Emma almost blew her cover because she forgot to take off her nail polish. Dummy.

THE BAD:

• morning sickness is for real folks, except it’s not only in the morning and it was obviously an idiot male doctor that labeled it as such
• tired takes on a whole new meaning…respect to all the working women who trudge through, especially working moms with other children. I shamelessly take naps whenever my body tells me I need one
• throwing up has triggered some very unpleasant memories of my struggle with my body image when I was younger…sometimes my brain tries to tell me I’m getting fat and completely forgets that I’m pregnant – what a BITCH! (will dedicate a whole entry to this phenomena later)
• what the frak is up with the constant peeing?! Especially at night?? I wake up at least 4-5 times a night, if not more
• the pms’y emotional roller coaster…makes me feel a little bipolar
• nipples, that is all

AND THE FUGLY:

• I need to chew my food more…I learned the hard way when I had to pull out strands of udon noodles that got stuck in my throat mid-vomit…yea, almost as exciting as it sounds
• Indian food looks the same coming up as it does going down…it also tastes the same
• diarrhea…although I would prefer this over constipation that “feels like its ripping my butthole” (direct quote from my 20+ week pregnant friend), when combined with vomiting, it leaves you so weak and fatigued you feel utterly beaten down
• I have really yet to enjoy pregnancy…at this point, I only want one child. Does this make me a bad/selfish person??

Headaches and Nipples and Mood Swings, Oh My!

I know this is going to sound so horrible, but I am not enjoying being pregnant…this has nothing against the baby growing in my belly because that is a precious gift that my husband and I both treasure and can’t wait to welcome into the world, but seriously, Eve royally effed us women in the A with a redwood tree trunk…would pregnancy be different if Eve hadn’t deceived Adam to eat the apple? Or would labor have been easier but pregnancy just as crappy? Who knows, but again, thanks Eve, thanks a lot. When I see you in Heaven, I’m gonna bitch slap you.

The increase in hormones during pregnancy wreaks havoc on the body…I’ve already covered the basics: nausea and food aversions…however, here are a few more:

HEADACHES
Holy Headaches, Batman! I’m not even sure why, but I bet you the extra hormones have something to do with it! Apparently they will go away by the end of the first trimester…but guess what? It’s the beginning of second and I have been waking up with one every morning for the past 3 weeks. Pounding, very acute headaches that don’t go away until about midday. Although there is a short list of okay’d medication to take, I am trying to take the most holistic approach during my pregnancy because nothing is really 100% safe…so I just have to deal with it. Drink extra water (which by the way tastes awful lately…it’s water for crying out loud!) and get extra sleep…I try to do some acupressure on myself and I think it works, but these headaches have got to stop.

NIPPLES
Remember how much I was loving my bigger boobies? Well, as your boobies grow, all things associated with them also grow…and yes, I am talking about nipples and the surrounding area. Did I mention they also change colors? Much like breasts, nipples come in a delightful assortment of colors and sizes…during pregnancy, I’m pretty sure they only come in one style: large and dark. If you have small, pink nipples…they will become big and dark. If you have big, dark nipples…yes, they will get bigger and even darker. For my girlfriends, they know which category I fall into…go ahead and laugh, you have my permission. Again, thank you hormones. For me, they really detract from the sexiness of having big boobs for once in my life…perhaps it’s God’s way of reminding us that our bigger boobs are not for sex appeal – they are meant to produce and provide sustenance for the baby. On a slight tangent, with baby in mind, they are also born with very limited vision…perhaps the bigger, darker nipple is like a honing device. Not that it makes me feel any better, just sayin!

MOOD SWINGS
Oh yes, the mood swings. I admit, I have a hot temper, but only those closest to me know what I’m talking about. Usually my hot, short fuse is most apparent right before my period…well, now it seems like I have PMS all the time now…sometimes I’m really annoyed, or angry for no reason, and other times I feel weepy and emotional. For example, on our way to Philadelphia, there was a man on our flight that annoyed me to no ends. When he was placing his bags overhead, he removed our jackets, telling us we were taking up too much space. First of all, DON’T TOUCH MY SHIT. Second of all, hello you just put TWO bags up – don’t you ever fly? One bag overhead and one bag under the seat in front of you. My blood pressure spiked, “Excuse me, but you can just squish the jackets above the bags,” with a little more attitude than needed. Same man then walks to back of plane…hey, dude, why are you putting your bag up in the front when you sit way in the back is what I was thinking as blood pressure continues to rise. Incident is almost forgotten as I rejoice over the empty seat in our row…woo hoo, time to leisurely sprawl out. But wait, moments after the doors close, same man from before comes to claim the empty seat! WHAT THE HECK, GO BACK TO YOUR ORIGINAL SEAT BUDDY! Blood pressure skyrockets, my husband can see it written all over my face – he is highly amused. Then as we taxi, annoying man says something to my husband which I heard as, “You’re in my space.” Uh hello, let my husband who is in the MIDDLE have the freaking armrest…don’t you know plane etiquette? That was the last straw from this annoying man, I leaned over and said, “What the hell is your problem, man?!!” more than ready to start a fight. The pregnant unreasonable side of me wanted to have that man kicked off the plane…it turns out, my husband was accidently “resting his foot” on the annoying man’s foot (he answered in a very rational, very nice voice). Oops.

I am hoping my pregnant body will normalize somewhat so that I can finally enjoy being pregnant! This week, week 14, marks the beginning of the 2nd trimester and the nausea is starting to pitter off a little- at the moment, it’s an upward battle with some major losses, usually at night. The fatigue is still a killer, but I don’t have diarrhea as often as before, and my boobs are still growing. Oh and my belly is the slightest bit bigger since last week…which sadly just makes me feel like I’m fat more than anything else:

The Death of a Salami

The extreme, EXTREME nausea is slowly starting to go away and last week and this week (week 12 and 13) were great weeks compared to the previous 8…the nausea comes and goes, but at least it’s not 24/7 and I’ve only thrown up twice, which is a huge improvement from my daily rendez-vous with the ceramic throne.

Last week though, was a particularly violent episode…there was blood every time I heaved into the toilet. And then when I went in for Round 2, it was the type of throw up you get only after a really hard night of drinking…liquid, bile and flecks of brown. Sorry to be so graphic, but if you have a pregnant friend or wife, maybe my honesty will help you be more empathetic! My husband always asks how he can help (I know, he’s an A++ sweetie), but unless I can telepathically transfer all the horrible symptoms to him for 10 minutes, all he can really do is empathize. And maybe give me a foot massage 😉

But last week was such a breakthrough! I still can’t walk into a grocery store without being hit by a tidal wave of nausea and eating at restaurants is close to impossible, but I was able to add some food items to my list of things I can eat: tomato sauce, pasta, soba noodles with a lightly spiced sauced, and chocolate chip cookies.

Actually, most of these new additions came in the form of intense CRAVINGS. For example, one morning, as soon as my eyes opened, I declared that I NEEDED milk and cookies. Chocolate chip cookies. Everything tasted like sand until I got my milk and cookies. I was even able to control myself and eat only half a cookie (I don’t want to get gestational diabetes!) with a glass of milk, but it was the most glorious half cookie ever eaten in my life. Milk and chocolate chip cookie halves have been a breakfast staple for the past week.

That craving was followed the next day by my body’s urgent cry for PASTA. So I stopped by the local La Madeleine and ordered the Chicken Pesto Pasta…it was delicious, but for some reason it wasn’t satisfying. What my silly body forgot to specify was that she wanted PASTA with TOMATO BASED SAUCE. I didn’t realize that tomato sauce was the missing link until I was driving by a Fazoli’s (I know! Of all things, fast food italian? Blech!) when my mouth suddenly began salivating like a rabid dog…mmmm, baked spaghetti…drooollll

I had to have it…and that I did for 3 days straight + Sunday lunch. Sadly, tomato sauce is acidic and I get the worst heartburn/stomachaches, but so worth it for the party in my mouth.

Exactly my sentiments

Yesterday, I wanted ice cream…so I went to the local Marble Slab and got me a big ole sundae: cheesecake ice cream with vanilla cake mix-in, topped with strawberry sauce, whipped cream, peanuts, and of course the quintessential cherry on top. I didn’t like the whipped cream so much, but other than that it was 10 minutes in heaven…followed by 2 hours in hell. I don’t understand why I crave something only to have it rejected later. Stupid body, stupid cravings…bitch.

Also, I can tolerate the taste of garlic again (yahoo!), the smell however is a completely different story. Celery and bell peppers with ranch dip is pretty good too and stays down! Will have to try and add that to my diet on a regular basis…veggies are always good, ranch dip – not so much, but whatever, at this point, I’ll eat just about anything to break up the monotony! Apples, pears, pineapples, and strawberries are acceptable as well…they taste like CANDY! (Strawberries taste particularly delicious after being steeped in milk).

However, it was a sad week for salami sandwiches and lemonade…I can no longer stand the sight of either of them. I’m not sure what happened, but the pleasure they gave me before just no longer exists. If anything, I find salami revolting and lemonade might as well be piss in a cup. Sad I know, as all break up are, but thanks for the memories, y’all were good to me when nothing else could soothe my cantankerous stomach.

My Body is a Wonderland

The more I think about it, how awesome is it that I have a miniature human growing inside of me? The whole concept and miracle of creation is mind-blowing…at the same time, it is very much alien-like except at the end, I won’t have an alien bursting out of my chest. Instead, I’ll have a mini human bursting out of my vagina. Sounds equally painful to me! Maybe giving birth is more painful because at least you die after the alien bursts through your chest whereas you are fully awake and alive during and after the birthing process…terrifying!

Below is another scan from last week’s ultra sound…the head is to the left and there’s his/her little arm! I think he/she may be sucking his/her thumb…*awwwww* At 12 weeks, baby is only the size of a lime so that little arm is teeny tiny!

During the ultrasound I also saw the baby move for the first time!! It was incredible!! Jabbed out its arms like a little boxer. I can’t feel those movements yet, but I’m looking forward to feeling baby move around! Also kinda scared, what the heck is it going to feel like? Maybe I DO have an alien in my stomach.

But aside from all the weirdness and negatives about pregnancy thus far, there have been a few pluses. The one main thing, actually two main things, I am loving are…my BOOBS! I actually have some! It’s amazing how these suckers seem to grow every day…it’s awesome! I wasn’t ever flat-as-a-board flat, but I didn’t really have much of anything to flaunt up there. Now they’re like WHOA and from what I’ve been reading, they’re gonna get even bigger! Woo hoo, maybe I’ll get a boob job later down the road so they’re like this all the time. If I seem more chesty 10 years down the road, then this entry is your answer, yes they’re probably fake.

Now before any males reading this get all excited over boobies…let’s talk some more about the unglamorous things. For example, pregnancy does quite a number on your intestines. Some women experience constipation…others like me for instance, have to deal with the opposite. Yes, I am talking about diarrhea. There is also a whole lot of farting. Not only have I become more flatulently cacophonous, they are so thick and noxious, if I could somehow bottle it up like tear gas, the US Army could decimate their enemies with this new lethal weapon. Also, I dunno if it’s just me, or other women, but I’m pretty sure my BO has gotten bad…I’ve never had BO in my life other than when I played basketball in high school, but the other day I noticed that I smelled very acutely of pickles. Maybe I need to lay off those sweet pickles.

Anyway…the boobs, I think, are God’s way of rewarding husbands/boyfriends/significant others (gotta keep the 21st century audience in mind) for tolerating all the yucky side effects…”I’m sorry that your wife’s body is totally out of wack, but here, look at these breasts!” And I think the growing belly is thrown in there for a husband’s viewing pleasure also…every time they look at their wife’s belly growing with their baby inside of it, it’s a reminder to give their penis a high five…good job, it all works.

My blog may be TMI for some, but don’t worry, at least I’ll never be like this person: