What Came Next – Top 5

Just a quick follow-up on my last post with a Top 5…don’t worry, I have some fresh new material coming up in the next week or so…for those familiar with my struggle with postpartum depression and also of late, sleep training the little one, you’re gonna love it.

TOP 5 THINGS I LEARNED/WISHED I HAD
KNOWN ABOUT LABOR, DELIVERY AND BEYOND

1. Contractions – If you haven’t experienced them, there is just no possible way to describe them. I know I have a high pain tolerance, but I have never felt pain like that in my entire life. It was so bad that while it’s happening, the world around you dims away and you can’t focus on anything but the pain. I don’t even know how to describe the experience, like having your lower body in a vice and have it clamp down on your belly, paralyzing your whole being. And then relief. And then you kind of forget about how much it hurt until the next one…and the next one…so on and so forth. GET THE EPIDURAL. It’s a miracle drug, trust me you’ll want it. Well, you don’t HAVE to but I could not do it, (and luckily, I will never have to experience contractions/vaginal birth as I will be having scheduled c-sections – EFF the VBAC, I’ve already been cut open so might as well keep my vajayjay in tact) so for the mamas who had natural birth experiences/waited ’til the last moment possible to get the epidural – y’all are beasts! Major MAJOR props…For any guy reading this, the pain is something along the lines of getting punched in the balls. And then just as you’re recovering, you get punched again. Now imagine that happening for hours on end followed by a watermelon exiting your body through an impossibly small hole. YEP, now go kiss your wives/girlfriends/baby mamas.
2. Constipation – so yes, constipation/poop problems just seems to be a reoccurring theme with pregnancy. Well, let me tell you, it doesn’t stop until you have THE poo following delivery. I’m not sure exactly what it is but women from both camps (natural and c-sections) experience THE WORST constipation following delivery. For those who delivery naturally, your nether regions experience quite the trauma – from excessive pressure to perineal tears (I dare you to click the link). I can only imagine how uncomfortable and painful it must be to have to make a number 2, I’ve heard it’s not fun at all. As for those who have c-sections, I’m not sure why we experience such horrible constipation. Maybe from all the meds they pump into your body during and after delivery…I have no clue. However, I do know that it felt like I was trying to birth a giant 50 lb boulder made of granite. And once I was done, I had to make sure my intestines weren’t in the toilet. Yea, it was that bad. I also made the mistake of taking Dulcolax to try and coax the waste out of my body…but you know how you need to get rid of the plug first? Well after that granite boulder was evacuated, water with glass shards followed. So awful. So so so awful. Like having the type of poo you get after eating a lot of spicy food but 100x worse. Never again will I take Dulcolax.
3. Visitors – not to sound ungrateful, but when I have baby number 2, I do not want any guests coming to visit me. Okay, family is obviously a yes, but maybe have guests at certain hours that I set aside, but ONLY during those hours OR just have them come visit once I’m discharged and at home. Between taking care of a newborn, nurses checking up on me every hour, and visitors coming throughout the day, I found it impossible to get the rest my body and brain were screaming for. Whenever I was ready to catch some shut eye, the baby needed to be fed…or the nurse would come in to check my vitals…or a friend would come to coo over the baby. It was a lot for a new mom. Maybe it will be different with the second. I don’t know…but for me it was very overwhelming and utterly exhausting. Sadly, not as many visitors came to visit after I was discharged which would’ve been amazing and incredibly helpful. Now I know what to offer new moms/moms with newborns…go to their home and watch the baby so they can shower/eat/get some sleep. It’s of course different for everyone so just ask the new mama if she’s okay with hospital visitors 🙂
4. BLOATING – bloating took on a whole new meaning for me. Remember how I was poking fun at Kim K’s feet during pregnancy? Well, it looked like someone had chopped off my feet and sewed her’s on. My Shrek feet could probably be attributed to being on an IV for 48 some odd hours, but wow, I did not know that my body could bloat like that. Took almost a full month for the bloat to go away. I was worried that maybe my blood pressure was too high and actually went to the doctor to have her check and make sure everything was fine! Please take a look at my lovely cankles below – see I’m not exaggerating!

5. Breastfeeding – this will be a short one because I can write MULTIPLE entries on the woes and joys of breastfeeding (and I will!) but let me just tell you this, get ready new mamas. Don’t get me wrong, I am 100% a breastfeeding advocate (and I will admit, I might even be a snob about it) and I highly encourage mothers-to-be to read Breastfeeding Made Simple by Nancy Mohrbacher (the book encouraged me to keep going as I was contemplating whether to quit or supplement with formula). Not only is it a necessity for your baby, but breastfeeding your child is also a beautiful bonding experience. But like most everything else associated with post partum experiences, breastfeeding is a BITCH. Cracked and bloody nipples, milk blebs, nipple ulcers, mastitis, engorgement…sounds like a party you want to crash, right? NOT!

The learning curve as a new mother is exponential and no matter how much you “study” beforehand, it won’t prepare you for the real deal. I mean, you’ll have an idea of what to expect, but really, every baby is different so everyone’s experience is very different and nothing that a book can truly prepare you for. Honestly, other than the breastfeeding book, I probably wouldn’t recommend reading anything else. Unless there’s a book that warns you about postpartum constipation, that would be a fun read. I would recommend that but otherwise it’s just all a journey.

What Came Next

The longest gestation period in the animal kingdom belongs to the ELEPHANT…approximately 95 weeks (almost TWO YEARS)!! It probably looks like a gruesome murder scene after elephants deliver their calves and I’m curious what an elephant giving birth looks like, but I don’t even dare google that. Speaking of googling, once I made a horrible mistake of googling a medical term and those images stuck with me for far too long (more on this later when we get to the joys of nursing). Could you imagine if humans were pregnant for almost 2 years – what would our babies even look like…they might be so big and developed that they just might crawl straight out of the womb! *shudder*

ANYWAY, luckily, we humans are only pregnant for 40 weeks and 40 weeks is long enough, thankyouverymuch. But of course, as much as my luck would have it, the little man decided that he wasn’t quite ready to meet his mama and papa and waited it out for an extra week – the longest week of my life!

As you can see, I was thrilled to be overdue

As I watched my due date approach and then pass, it was extremely disappointing and so anticlimactic…as much as I was so over being pregnant and so incredibly uncomfortable, my husband and I had been anxiously awaiting his arrival since the day we saw him in peanut form to shower him with love and kisses! It was as if Christmas morning had arrived and Santa decided that he would deliver presents on Boxing Day instead. Yea, it was THAT disappointing. Every morning after June 17th, I would wake up hoping that I would experience contractions, wait all day long hoping to feel contractions (by the way, no one WANTS to feel contractions because they hurt, A LOT), and then go to bed at night praying that I would go to labor in the middle of the night. And so it was, for a week, day in and day out.

Finally, on the morning of June 24th, I woke up as my husband got ready to leave for work to what I could only assume were contractions…sharp pains that radiated from my back forward to my belly. My contractions came probably 10 minutes apart all day long, but as the day progressed, the contractions intensified and started to feel as if someone was putting my lower body in a vice. All I could do was lay down in the fetal position until each contraction passed. I like to think that I have a high pain tolerance, but wow, these were something else. Finally, after the insistence of my father, my mother, my husband, and my grandmother (yes we were all living in the same house at the time, I know, how Asian of us), I called my doctor. I explained to her that although the contractions were still about 7 – 10 minutes apart, the intensity level was close to a 7/8 (FOR PAIN REFERENCE ON A SCALE OF 1 – 10: 1 = easy to carry a conversation, like normal and 10 = cannot talk, much less breath through them). She said to come in to get checked, but as I had two other friends sent home for being only in early labor, I insisted that my husband and my sister finish his dinner before we finally left for the hospital around 7:30pm.

on the way out the door

driving away

Funny enough, as we drove to the hospital, my contractions started to come closer and closer together and as we pulled up to the hospital, they were coming about every 2 – 3 minutes apart! By the time I checked in, changed into the hospital gown, and had a nurse examine me, I was already 5 cm dilated – success, I wouldn’t be sent home!

Once the epidural was administered (oh my god, the epidural was HEAVEN – pain went from a 10 to a 0 in a matter of minutes), the final waiting game began…

To make a long story short, I ended up having a c-section because the little man was actually breech (butt down rather than head down)…a little detail that my L&D nurse COMPLETELY missed. IDIOT. In fact, when she came in to check me at 7 cm, she said she could clearly see his head. My husband asked her how much hair the baby had and she told us he was bald (FYI, Asian babies are rarely bald)…which we thought was strange since both of us had a full head of hair when we were born. ANYWAY, when I was 9 cm and ready to push, the doctor came in and as soon as she looked down below, she asked the nurse if she hadn’t noticed that she was looking at the baby’s butt and said I needed a c-section right away. My sister said she actually heard the doctor say “Help, emergency! We need to get this baby out right now, he’s crowning his own butt!” as I was rushed into the OR. Thank God for my doctor…without her, who knows what could’ve happened!

Thankfully though, we welcomed our healthy baby boy, Ezra Zane Yehjoon Lee at 4:49 AM, June 25, 2013 weighing in at 7 lbs 6 oz and measuring 21 inches long!

 

our first family photo minutes after his debut!

looks at that sweet little face!

Seriously, it was love at first sight…41 long weeks of waiting to meet this little guy and he was finally here. I was in awe of every little detail – his fingers, his toenails, his ears, the little hairs on his arms and back (yes, he was a hairy little one when he was born haha!), his little raspy cry, his mongolian birthmark on his thigh…it was worth every single second of every single minute of every single hour of waiting. He was perfect in every way and everything that I could’ve ever imagined and prayed for.

*SIGH* Now I understand why people say that they miss the newborn stage…although the Ez is only 9 months old, I have to agree, I do miss the newborn stage, enough to want another one, hee hee! (I know, to all my Facebook followers reading this, I sound crazy because most of my FB statuses indicate no more future children haha!) Or maybe I miss the naivete of being a new mom, not knowing what was in store for me, just fueled by the excitement of becoming a mama.

Silly me…I never knew what it really meant to be a mom, I now realize. Nor did I even fathom what it meant to have postpartum depression. Sure, I had heard about it and acknowledged that I might get PPD since I had battled depression before, but I was not ready for it at all. These past 9 months have been the most challenging times I have ever faced in my life. As many ups the little man brought to our life, I probably had just as many downs thanks to that bitch PPD. These are the happiest moments of my life, but then I feel like shit sometimes and then I feel guilty for feeling like shit because I know I should be happy and then I feel sad. And cry. And then get angry. And then I feel hopeless. And then guilty again because there are people dealing with way more serious problems than I am. And then I feel selfish. And then I feel like nothing. And then the cloud lifts and I can BREATHE and see things the way they are – perfect. And then things are good for a spell until another trigger and there I go again, hurtling into the darkness. And then back up…then back down…up…down.

It’s been a hellish roller coaster ride, but I would not change a single thing. Okay, that’s a lie because really, I wish my brain would just chemically fix itself already, but I would not change the having a baby part and being a mama because I can’t imagine my life without my sweet, silly, happy little baby…I love him so. His existence alone has taught me what love truly is and that is the greatest gift he could ever give me. Even after he grows up and gives his heart to his future wife and has his own little babies to shower with his love…he will always hold a special place in mine, just for you, my darling Ezra.

“I’ll love you forever, I’ll love you for always, As long as I’m living, My baby you’ll be.” -Robert Munsch

 

 

Kim Kardashian’s Butt

My husband and I attended a work function about 3 weeks ago…a work function which required me to dress up a little. I haven’t had to get fancy since a wedding in March and my body has most definitely undergone a drastic change in the last couple months. My belly ballooned out of nowhere in the past few weeks and I have also gained the most weight in my last trimester. At one point, I had gained 17 pounds in a matter of only 6 weeks haha…almost half my total weight gain to date, oops! So I added more veggies and fruit to my diet to offset the rapid weight gain and haven’t gained any weight in the past 2 weeks. Whew!

Anyway, I have refused to buy maternity clothes for the most part and have opted to buy flowy maxi dresses instead in order to not waste money on clothes I’ll only wear for a couple months. So, the only fancy dress that I still fit in, was the same one I actually wore to the wedding…and the same one I wore for my engagement party. Due to the stretching magic of jersey and spandex, the dress miraculously fit my 35 week pregnant body…albeit a little clingy. Okay maybe a lot clingy…when my dad saw me in the dress he jokingly quipped: “Don’t forget to take out those butt pads before you go to the party, you’ll attract a lot of attention.” When my husband came home to pick me up for the party, he asked “When did you eat Kim Kardashian?” 😀 My butt was always on the rounder side especially for an Asian girl, but now I have a full blown badunkadunk, like Kim Kardashian’s, pre-pregnancy (I don’t think anyone but pregnant Kim could have that kind of ass unless it’s surgically enhanced). I’m serious – my butt has gotten so big, when I lie down on my back on the floor, the small of my back doesn’t touch the ground, LOL!

But don’t get me wrong, I kinda like my big butt right now and my husband definitely loves my big butt…and my big belly (I think he secretly high fives his penis every time he sees my belly actually). He also showers me with so many compliments on a daily basis, my head has gotten fat too 😉

But seriously, poor Kim Kardashian…the media is obsessed with her weight gain during her pregnancy and the paparazzi have definitely done their job of capturing as many unflattering photos of her as possible. I will have to admit though, she has gone through quite a transformation…but how can you blame her? If you’re in the public eye and it’s your job to look good, then shiet, I would probably eat like a rabbit AND be an exercise freak to maintain my best figure. So why not give yourself a few (or more) liberties when you’re pregnant? Even with my non-celebrity pregnant status, I have totally allowed myself to eat more bread, more ice cream, use butter liberally, have noodles more than once a week, eat a cookie at lunch, and always have candy in my car…all of which I do not do as a non-preggo. I definitely like good food, but I still try to be healthy…now, I just eat what I want to eat. If a cupcake is calling my name, I will get one and enjoy every last bite, down to the itty bitty crumbs. So, I’m going to assume that Kim Kardashian is just binging on all the foods she normally abstains from…and given her naturally curvy figure, she probably abstains from most foods to maintain a curvy, but skinny frame. You go girl, enjoy your pregnancy and eat your heart out. But just one suggestion…wear some comfortable shoes, you’re Kim Kardashian, you ain’t got nothing to prove so you can let your poor swollen feet take a break.

your feet need some circulation girl…the ankle strap is gonna cause more swelling!

 

need i say anything at all?

 

if her feet could talk: “help us, heeeelllppppp usssss”

I’ve had some swelling in my lower extremities and even wearing flats and sneakers can be uncomfortable. It’s time to retire those heels, Kim and shackle like ankle straps.

Anyway, less than 3 weeks before our little man arrives and I am feeling large and in charge!

3 more weeks to go!

Excited, a little nervous, but so so soooo ready to see his cute little face.

who will he look like??

In his honor, here are mommy’s top 5 cravings during pregnancy:
1. Big Mac – this was at the very very verrrryyyy beginning, but I woke up in the middle of the night needing to eat a Big Mac. The husband told me I actually rolled over and woke him up telling him I wanted one and went back to sleep. I’ve only eaten one during my pregnancy and that one was enough. It was delicious, but now I have no desire to eat one ever again.
2. Doritos Locos Cool Ranch Doritos Taco – Watching TV one day a couple months back and a commercial airs for the reveal of the new COOL RANCH DORITOS LOCOS TACO! And I needed to have it at that moment. I had already had dinner. It was 10:00pm. But I needed it…so the husband and I drove to the nearest Taco Bell and got some for the whole family. I’ve only had it that one time and it was good, but again, I don’t think I will ever need to eat one ever again. Funny enough, my dad really likes them and gets them on occasion since that night 🙂
3. Crawfish – My friend (pregnant at the time) had posted a picture of herself and her siblings feasting on crawfish on Facebook and it looked SO DELICIOUS. And then I needed to have crawfish. Instead of instant gratification though, I waited a few weeks before trekking out to JoLynn’s Crawfish and OHMYGAH, heaven in my mouth, I think the husband and I feasted on almost 10 lbs of crawfish that day and it was oh so good. Garlicky, spicy, buttery and orgasmic all rolled into each bite. And then I had crawfish 6 more times after that, hee hee. WHAT? It’s crawfish season right now 😉 Or maybe the delayed gratification resulted in overindulgence…oh well, I’m pregnant, I can do whatever I want 😛
4. Greek Yogurt and Granola – I woke up one morning craving greek yogurt with granola, berries, and honey and it has now become a daily staple for breakfast for the past month. And sometimes as a snack too 😀 Hey, it’s healthier than ice cream isn’t it??
5. Lavender Milk Tea with Boba – Ever since I had lavender flavored creme brulee back in college, I LOVE all things lavender flavored. But it’s hard to find things that are perfectly lavender flavored…sometimes the floral taste is way overpowering and other times there just isn’t enough of it. Luckily, one day, as the husband and I were adventuring out in Chinatown, we came across a milk tea shop that makes THE BEST lavender flavored milk tea. Ever since that day, I will drive out of my way to treat myself to one. Luckily, our new house (currently under renovation – a whole post of it’s own to come), is kinda sorta close to Chinatown so every time I drive by to check on the progress of the house, I drive out to Boba Zone afterwards to get me some lavender milk tea with boba, YUM!

That is all for now. I know I haven’t been the best with posts in the past few months, but I will try to entertain you all with a few more musings before the baby arrives. But you know that once he’s here, I’ll have a whole lot more to write about…like projectile vomiting, explosive poop, how a woman’s belly still look pregnant after birth…labor…delivery…oh my, the list of candid moments to come can go on and on and on. 🙂