What Came Next

The longest gestation period in the animal kingdom belongs to the ELEPHANT…approximately 95 weeks (almost TWO YEARS)!! It probably looks like a gruesome murder scene after elephants deliver their calves and I’m curious what an elephant giving birth looks like, but I don’t even dare google that. Speaking of googling, once I made a horrible mistake of googling a medical term and those images stuck with me for far too long (more on this later when we get to the joys of nursing). Could you imagine if humans were pregnant for almost 2 years – what would our babies even look like…they might be so big and developed that they just might crawl straight out of the womb! *shudder*

ANYWAY, luckily, we humans are only pregnant for 40 weeks and 40 weeks is long enough, thankyouverymuch. But of course, as much as my luck would have it, the little man decided that he wasn’t quite ready to meet his mama and papa and waited it out for an extra week – the longest week of my life!

As you can see, I was thrilled to be overdue

As I watched my due date approach and then pass, it was extremely disappointing and so anticlimactic…as much as I was so over being pregnant and so incredibly uncomfortable, my husband and I had been anxiously awaiting his arrival since the day we saw him in peanut form to shower him with love and kisses! It was as if Christmas morning had arrived and Santa decided that he would deliver presents on Boxing Day instead. Yea, it was THAT disappointing. Every morning after June 17th, I would wake up hoping that I would experience contractions, wait all day long hoping to feel contractions (by the way, no one WANTS to feel contractions because they hurt, A LOT), and then go to bed at night praying that I would go to labor in the middle of the night. And so it was, for a week, day in and day out.

Finally, on the morning of June 24th, I woke up as my husband got ready to leave for work to what I could only assume were contractions…sharp pains that radiated from my back forward to my belly. My contractions came probably 10 minutes apart all day long, but as the day progressed, the contractions intensified and started to feel as if someone was putting my lower body in a vice. All I could do was lay down in the fetal position until each contraction passed. I like to think that I have a high pain tolerance, but wow, these were something else. Finally, after the insistence of my father, my mother, my husband, and my grandmother (yes we were all living in the same house at the time, I know, how Asian of us), I called my doctor. I explained to her that although the contractions were still about 7 – 10 minutes apart, the intensity level was close to a 7/8 (FOR PAIN REFERENCE ON A SCALE OF 1 – 10: 1 = easy to carry a conversation, like normal and 10 = cannot talk, much less breath through them). She said to come in to get checked, but as I had two other friends sent home for being only in early labor, I insisted that my husband and my sister finish his dinner before we finally left for the hospital around 7:30pm.

on the way out the door

driving away

Funny enough, as we drove to the hospital, my contractions started to come closer and closer together and as we pulled up to the hospital, they were coming about every 2 – 3 minutes apart! By the time I checked in, changed into the hospital gown, and had a nurse examine me, I was already 5 cm dilated – success, I wouldn’t be sent home!

Once the epidural was administered (oh my god, the epidural was HEAVEN – pain went from a 10 to a 0 in a matter of minutes), the final waiting game began…

To make a long story short, I ended up having a c-section because the little man was actually breech (butt down rather than head down)…a little detail that my L&D nurse COMPLETELY missed. IDIOT. In fact, when she came in to check me at 7 cm, she said she could clearly see his head. My husband asked her how much hair the baby had and she told us he was bald (FYI, Asian babies are rarely bald)…which we thought was strange since both of us had a full head of hair when we were born. ANYWAY, when I was 9 cm and ready to push, the doctor came in and as soon as she looked down below, she asked the nurse if she hadn’t noticed that she was looking at the baby’s butt and said I needed a c-section right away. My sister said she actually heard the doctor say “Help, emergency! We need to get this baby out right now, he’s crowning his own butt!” as I was rushed into the OR. Thank God for my doctor…without her, who knows what could’ve happened!

Thankfully though, we welcomed our healthy baby boy, Ezra Zane Yehjoon Lee at 4:49 AM, June 25, 2013 weighing in at 7 lbs 6 oz and measuring 21 inches long!

 

our first family photo minutes after his debut!

looks at that sweet little face!

Seriously, it was love at first sight…41 long weeks of waiting to meet this little guy and he was finally here. I was in awe of every little detail – his fingers, his toenails, his ears, the little hairs on his arms and back (yes, he was a hairy little one when he was born haha!), his little raspy cry, his mongolian birthmark on his thigh…it was worth every single second of every single minute of every single hour of waiting. He was perfect in every way and everything that I could’ve ever imagined and prayed for.

*SIGH* Now I understand why people say that they miss the newborn stage…although the Ez is only 9 months old, I have to agree, I do miss the newborn stage, enough to want another one, hee hee! (I know, to all my Facebook followers reading this, I sound crazy because most of my FB statuses indicate no more future children haha!) Or maybe I miss the naivete of being a new mom, not knowing what was in store for me, just fueled by the excitement of becoming a mama.

Silly me…I never knew what it really meant to be a mom, I now realize. Nor did I even fathom what it meant to have postpartum depression. Sure, I had heard about it and acknowledged that I might get PPD since I had battled depression before, but I was not ready for it at all. These past 9 months have been the most challenging times I have ever faced in my life. As many ups the little man brought to our life, I probably had just as many downs thanks to that bitch PPD. These are the happiest moments of my life, but then I feel like shit sometimes and then I feel guilty for feeling like shit because I know I should be happy and then I feel sad. And cry. And then get angry. And then I feel hopeless. And then guilty again because there are people dealing with way more serious problems than I am. And then I feel selfish. And then I feel like nothing. And then the cloud lifts and I can BREATHE and see things the way they are – perfect. And then things are good for a spell until another trigger and there I go again, hurtling into the darkness. And then back up…then back down…up…down.

It’s been a hellish roller coaster ride, but I would not change a single thing. Okay, that’s a lie because really, I wish my brain would just chemically fix itself already, but I would not change the having a baby part and being a mama because I can’t imagine my life without my sweet, silly, happy little baby…I love him so. His existence alone has taught me what love truly is and that is the greatest gift he could ever give me. Even after he grows up and gives his heart to his future wife and has his own little babies to shower with his love…he will always hold a special place in mine, just for you, my darling Ezra.

“I’ll love you forever, I’ll love you for always, As long as I’m living, My baby you’ll be.” -Robert Munsch

 

 

The Final Countdown

OMG – only 13 more weeks to go until I pop this baby out…where has all this time gone? It felt like it was only yesterday I was waiting for husband to come home from basketball to share the news! The weeks when I was overwhelmed with morning sickness dragged on and on and on, but all of a sudden, BAM, third trimester! I’m so excited to meet our little one, but really nervous about all the events preceding and proceeding his arrival (i.e. labor, birthing, excruciating pain, episiotomy, breast feeding, protecting Ezra from all the evil things in the world etc).

The past few weeks since my last entry have been for the most part uneventful…minus getting contractions (not the Braxton Hicks kind) a little bit on the early side – that was a couple of days of high anxiety, but all’s well that ends well. Doctor has formerly grounded me from my jetsetting lifestyle and has instructed me to take it easy.  No more flying for the next who knows how long is a very depressing thought, but oh first world problems, haha.  So other than that little bump in the road, we’re back on our way!

To commemorate the beginning of the third trimester, here are a few top five moments of pregnancy so far:

Top 5 Things I Have Missed While Pregnant:
1. Sleeping on my stomach – have always been a stomach sleeper since I was a baby, and boy do I miss being able to sleep on my stomach. I had the absolute delight the other week of being able to lay comfortably on my engorged stomach during a prenatal massage thanks to some special cushions. It was so heavenly…50 minutes of pure bliss.
2. TUNA AND YELLOWTAIL – Pregnancy hasn’t really stopped me from eating sushi, but I have at least had the proper sense to abstain from high mercury fish. Sadly, these two are my absolute two favorite fish – raw, cooked, however it’s presented, I will devour it in one bite! I have instructed Husband to have tuna and yellowtail at the hospital as soon as I give birth. What I would kill for even a tuna fish sandwich or grilled yellowtail collarbone…DROOL
3. A solid night of sleep – sleeping is starting to get quite difficult with a growing belly. Also, with the growing baby dancing elaborate jigs on my bladder, I wake up at least 2 times a night to go pee pee. I’m pretty sure though that my solid nights of sleep are pretty much over for the next two years…unless we decide to add another member of the family so my sleepless nights may be a way of life for the next 4 or 5 years. I’m sure it will be worth the sacrifice.
4. Pad Thai – everyone and their mother now knows how much I loved and adored Pad Thai…sadly, this relationship badly soured with the onset of morning sickness and we are now mortal enemies. I missed it dearly and awaited for the time of morning sickness to pass and for us to renew our relationship…but even though I am now able to eat everything grown/raised/cultured under the sun, Pad Thai and I cannot seem to make amends. Since then, I am guilty of having found a suitable replacement, Pad Thai’s spicy little brother, Pad Kee Mao.
5. BEER – OH MAH GAH, what I would do for a tall glass of brew…a pilsner, a heifeweisen, a pale ale, the list goes on…anything but stout really. Although I’ve probably broken every “do not eat” rule, there have been enough studies of how alcohol effects the fetus that I have stayed clear from any form of alcohol. For the most part, I do not think about drinking vodka or wine or the likes, but I REALLY WANT SOME BEER!! Like right now with my brunch would be divine. Cold, crisp, bubbles tickling my nose, the buzz after my first beer (LIGHTWEIGHT, I know)…the more I write about it, the more I want to crack open a tall Delirium Tremens and get a little tipsy, hee hee. I might need to add beer to my last of things to have Husband bring me while still in the hospital after delivery!

Top 5 Annoying Things About Pregnancy
1. Swamp ass – not sure what it is about being pregnant, maybe higher blood volume or something, but I get SO HOT…down there. I mean swamp ass doesn’t even fully describe how hot and sweaty it can get down there. The other day, I was in a meeting with our contractor and it was so freaking hot in his office. When I got up to leave, I was mortified to see that I had left a sweaty butt print on the leather seat. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, oh well. Trust me, I’m not the only one in this predicament – just probably one of the few audacious enough to admit that I have a sweaty, swampy nether region.
2. Peeing a little when you sneeze or cough or laugh – I don’t mean like fully let go of your bladder, but a little squirt here and there. Now don’t go thinking whenever you hear me sneeze, guffaw uncontrollably, or cough that I just pee pee’d a little…it doesn’t happen every time, but it definitely happens more than I would like to admit. Again, there is a direct correlation of baby bouncing on the bladder and pee pee’ing unexpectedly. Also, I hear it gets worse after you give birth because of the strain and trauma your underparts have to endure (elective cesarean anyone??) However, I have heard doing your Kegels helps this situation out, and although I have been working on my Kegels, it’s hard to elevate the thought of exercising your vagina to a certain plane of consciousness.
3. PrEgNaNcY BrAiN – I am not a forgetful person…however, pregnancy brain fogs up my mind so much I forget simple things like how to work the espresso machine or what day of the week it is. I hate HATE hate becoming so forgetful, huge pet peeve of mine.
4. Emotional roller coasters – you know how PMS comes with waves of emotions? Well, at least that happens only once a month…since about week 20 or so, I have been on an up and down scale of emotions. One second, I can go from being normal and happy to angry and annoyed. This simple video (Adam and Dog – a 2013 Oscar nominated animated short) had me in tears at the end. I was deeply disturbed/moved when I drove by a thoughtlessly run over duck in my neighborhood being mourned by two other ducks.  I mean the list goes on of what causes the tears and the elevated blood pressure. I’m hoping that this doesn’t mean I will have some crazy postpartum depression, fingers crossed.
5. BO – Never had it, but damn, I don’t know if having a boy in my body has elevated my testosterone production or what, but wow, I smell so bad. And it doesn’t take much to make me sweat these days, so my fight with BO is pretty much an all day battle…one which I am losing. I use deodorant, but due to pregnancy brain, I forget sometimes, hee hee hee. Sorry in advance!

Anyway, I think from now until the end of pregnancy, I will be posting more Top 5’s of pregnancy – the good, the bad and the ugly! Until then, my belly at week 26…rockin’ out in a bikini. Oh yes, yes I did – and felt damn sexy!